what to do next...
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| Mon, 07-07-2008 - 10:04pm |
Hi, everyone
I don't usually post things up on message boards
but I hope to get some guidance in posting my problem here
Let me tell you all a few things about myself
I am 16 yrs old, and I go to a private boarding school in the US
It's tough, but I enjoy my time there
and my career as a student is going wonderfully well there
I have a boyfriend, who is also 16, and he is in my grade
We've been going out for more than 8 months so far
We are compatible to each other, for we have both similarities and differences
I like English Literature, Philosophy, History, Latin, and music (piano)
and like to read Nietzsche AND watch spongebob at the same time
I am not an average 16-year-old, who would like watching the OC and read Vogue
Many have told me I should be a 42-year-old, not 16
But I like to listen to people's problems, and try my best to be nice and kind to everyone
He likes Math, Science, and Sports
He's a very proud individual, and likes a challenge whether it be a math problem or a squash match. He's both very logical and rational, and likes to have the answers laid out before him (one reason he doesn't like literature)
We started going out at the beginning of November
Before he asked me out, we e-mailed each other often, and knew a lot about each other
Overall, it was a happy relationship
I thought I had found someone that truly cared for me, and liked me for who I was
We both understood what each other needed, and provided it for each other
and we were the most intimate of couples at our school
People thought we were getting married later on, but we didn't really care
We were happy with each other
However, starting in May...things started to kinda unravel for me
I kinda realized that...he wanted a surrogate mother, not a girlfriend
His mother is a paranoid, and has constantly kept him under her vigilant watch
Because he was in boarding school, and despite the fact that he loved to be gone from his paranoid mother, he needed the kind of support and assurance he got from his watchful mom
Someone...that he could support on, get the care he needed...and provide nothing in return
Many times I have listened to all his rages, gave my unsure boyfriend all the love and assurance he can get, telling him that he's the best, pet him, be kind...gentle...
The problem was...I didn't get the same kind of support or love from him
All I did was give, give, give...kinda like a mother-son relationship, right?
And when I asked him for his attention, love, or care
he didn't understand me...
I mean, sure, I was not the average 16-year-old, and NO ONE understood me
he would tell me why wouldn't I believe that he loved me, or cared for me?
when we would get into fights...
We had a lot of fights, most of them stemming from something I didn't like about his character, such as arrogance towards his friends, his logical methods in trying to solve emotional problems, etc.
And then finally, our first summer break
He lives in Vancouver, I live outside the US
and it is hard for us to find time to talk to each other on e-mail and such
because of the time differences
And then, he left for an internship in Boston with his mother
and of course, his mother won't let him do ANYTHING except study
So the result? No mail or contact except one or maybe NO mail for 3 weeks
I was kinda devastated, for it was our first, biggest separation
I missed him...but whenever I thought of him, I only could think of his mom
sitting behind his back while he was studying, which just got me VERY annoyed
and not receiving e-mails weren't helping that much
so I decided the best way for me to cope the 3 weeks was not to e-mail him at all
It was better for me, in a way, for I could concentrate on other stuff
so I won't mope around the entire day just thinking about him and be frustrated
However, he didn't understand why I would do such a thing
and called me mean for not caring or loving him
He told me to explain everything, how I was feeling, and all that
but I just...didn't want to
why? because, way before back at school, every time I told him all my feelings like that
he would never understand, and just try to rationally break down everything
as if it was a math equation, or a scientific hypothesis
I hated the feeling of being treated like some specimen in an experiment
and wanted him to understand...just to listen, and be comforting...show me his love
So, I didn't explain it to him...and he kept telling me that I didn't care how he felt
or loved him at all...that I hated him
It was our biggest fight yet, and well, it was harder, for he could only send one mail per day
Then, he sent me the fatal words on one e-mail...which lead me to write this post up here
He asked me to choose...
To choose whether to stay with him and have arguments all the time
or to leave him for good and be happy and free
I was...hurt...BADLY
you don't even ask THAT sort of question, EVEN when one's having a divorce
the emotional trauma the other person receives when given that question...is devastating
I don't know what to say, or to do
I really do love him...for he was the one STABLE thing in my life at my school
It was lovely to know that someone was THERE
but...again, he never WAS there for me, in an emotional sense
He never understood me...for all he needed was a mother at school...
and sons and daughters NEVER understand how a mother feels...or needs to
What shall I do?

Welcome to the board gracedylee72,
First, to keep me within the rules - iVillage has a sister site www.gurl.com
Ah, thank you for your help
I will go check gURL.com
but, I guess I would like to even some things out
he is NOT my first lover
he's actually...on the contrary, my 5th or 6th (I don't know for sure)
I have met many people, and had crushes, or even actual relationships with them
and well...he's the best I've met so far
glitter-graphics.com
glitter-graphics.com