I caught his online affair
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| Thu, 07-10-2008 - 11:35am |
Hi everyone,
I am looking for some advise from anyone who is willing to hand it out.
2 weeks ago, I found out my husband had an online profile on a dating site. It was filled with lies about me, our family and our relationship. He met a girl on that site and exchanged his personal email and im. It lasted for a little over a month. They planned to meet twice(it didn't work out the first time because he had to leave for work, and I confronted him 2 days before the second time).
I had to prove to him that I knew all about it(details and all)before he fessed up and admitted it(he did try to lie his way through his confession but I pulled out each piece of evidence I had at every lie...)
The problem I am facing now, is that I don't know how to forgive him. I know I won't forget, but I would like to get passed this. We are moving to another country soon and I'm afraid that I wont be able to get passed this. Also, even though he says he's sorry that he messed up, even though he sent her an email telling her the truth about himself and us, even though he seems miserably sorry, I still feel like he might be sorrier to have been caught than anything else.
How do I forgive him? How do I do to not hold a grudge against him forever? How do we begin a new life in a new country? We have a 2yr old daughter and even though what he did is inexcusable, leaving him is not on option (or something I want to do)How can I get passed this?
Help...

Welcome to the board caughthimredhanded,
He lied that many times....then yeah, I'd say he's more sorry he got caught and that doesn't leave me with any warm and fuzzy feelings for him or give you any security that he won't do it again.
Most couple's cannot overcome betrayal and rebuild trust without counseling.
Reading material to consider:
Cyber-Cheating & Emotional Affairs
Straight Talk About Betrayal: A Self-Help Guide for Couples by Donna R. Bellafiore
Affair-Proof Your Marriage: Understanding, Preventing and Surviving an Affair by Lana Staheli
His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Willard F. Harley Jr
marriagebuilders.com will have a bunch of ideas for you as well.
Sorry you are going through this.
Welcome to the board caughthimredhanded,
I agree that it seems he is more upset about getting caught than the actually online affair.
I think counseling would go a long ways towards helping you forgive him and move past this and maybe trust him again.
You have a tough battle ahead of you. It is going to take a lot of hard work.
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