Boyfriend is changing a lot

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2007
Boyfriend is changing a lot
11
Sat, 07-12-2008 - 11:35am
My boyfriend told me he would never talk to an ex and never like

Crystal-

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Sat, 07-12-2008 - 11:49am

For 3 years he has been in a relatiohship and now he doesn't want to be tied down. At least he is being honest about it.


It is simple really; He wants to see or sleep with other people. Can you handle this? If not, then get out. Don't be dramatic and talk about him not meeting your needs. His needs are changing.


YOU be in charge of your needs and happiness.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Sat, 07-12-2008 - 11:53am

You can't hold on to something you don't have.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2007
Sat, 07-12-2008 - 12:08pm
He HAS NOT said he wants to see or sleep with other people. He said that he finds them attractive and has been lying about it. He still acts like he wants to be with me but he is saying that he is going to be who he is and i should be able to deal with it. Thats anser was not at all helpful and quite rude. The other woman who posted was more genuine and nice about it. Why comment if your going to make someone cry more and think more about things that arent true... He never said he wanted to be with someone else!!!!! He is changing and Im not adapted to it bc it sprung on me. This is a support group not a bitc*y one you made my heart feel even flakier.... please dont give advice if you are going to tell someone move on and not know the pain they feel or how commited theyve been for so long.

Crystal-

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 07-12-2008 - 12:22pm

Hi kiszkisz,


Here's your previous posts for others to catch up on your situation:


jelousy, addiction, abuse


Relationship Help


Boyfriend gives mixed signals


::He is also saying he doesnt know if he wants this relationship because he wants to be able to do whatever he wants, when he wants to do it and have to discuss it with noone else.


I know you are hurt and angry and there is a lot of grief to process....however, when he said that the response that comes to mind is: "You got it, let me help you with that. Goodbye."


Reading material:


Are You the One for Me? Barbara DeAngelis


Do Not Talk To, Touch, Marry, or Otherwise Fiddle with Frogs, by Nailah Shami


Relationship Grieving Process - http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=22985.1


Zen of Doing Nothing - http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=21173.1


How to Get Over Your Breakup - http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=21181.1




angels

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Sat, 07-12-2008 - 1:37pm

Read your own post again. He wants to date others and he told you he will do as he pleases. Why would my post make you cry if I didn't touch on anything that is true?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2008
Sat, 07-12-2008 - 3:08pm

My dear, you know being in love people do take it as a common word but its a serious thing. when one is in love its from your hear and not just saying. in your case you don't want to accept reality. you love your boyfriend so much and he did long back love you too but now does he? he is fed up with this relationship coz he thinks he's tied up and can't do what he wants and that's why he wants to be loosed up.

My piece of advice is that you need to let him go if he wants too. yeah it hurts so much but you cant force him to stay with you when he wants out. if he was really meant for you, then he will come back but if he wasn't meant for you then you got to move on. av been in that situation too but you have to be strong and move on.

He will do what he wants but to tell you the truth he wont gain anything from that. by the time he will come to his senses that he has left something precious behind, then it will be too late.

And back to you, have you asked yourself why he has decided to do that? have you asked yourself what is it that you are denying him and thats why he has decided to do that? have you asked him why he has decided to do that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Sat, 07-12-2008 - 6:55pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sat, 07-12-2008 - 8:38pm

Ok this is NOT a support group, it is an advice board. If you don't like the advice you are given then perhaps you need to find a support group. There is a big difference between asking for support and asking for advice. But I don't think he is necessarily asking to date other people. He's just feeling stifled by the crazy promises he made you in the beginning. You can't promise never to be attracted to or turned by another person ever again. That's not realistic and it was stupid of him to ever tell you this. It's not something you can ever expect of anyone, and I understand you're hurt but you could also use this time to get over the fact that someone can be completely faithful to you but also find other women attractive. Any man who tells you that you're the only one he ever sees sexually or attractive is lying. Or at least will not be able to live up to it.

So he's rebelling against this idea that you want him to be held to. He's sick of being put in a cage and in a way I agree, but if he needs to talk to exes and look at porn and that's not okay with you, then you need to leave the relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Sat, 07-12-2008 - 10:03pm

This sounds like my first love...I was younger than 20...he hit me when we partied....


THEN...he cheated on me and wanted to leave me one day....I had fallen in love with him and had been with him about 3 years...I don't remember how I found out about her...but we were walking on a neighborhood street and I confronted him about it....he said he wanted to BREAK UP WITH ME!


I could NOT mentally handle him breaking up with me...he started to walk away...and I kneeled down on the pavement and started banging my head on the pavement telling him if he left me I was going to kill myself.


I felt SO DESPERATE.

Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2007
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 11:58am

The last few responces I believe the last two were more helpful than it's been for me. Missy, your experience with this always helps me to see that Im not the only love forsaken person who goes crazy if my relationship were to end, it puts things in a clearer perspective. If it does happen, I know it will hurt like hell but I see others have gotten out of dilemmas and I will too. I need friends and those are really hard to find. Thanks girls for your support and advice. I feel a little more relieved but i wish I knew how to handle what is to come. Please if anyone else has an comments on my passage or all the passages i have written over him as Carrie the relationship saver has posted up i believe there is three posts- feel free to read and help me out cause im still so darn confused. Thanks - Crystal

Crystal-

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