Husband just told me he wants to separat

Avatar for kyla2871
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Husband just told me he wants to separat
6
Mon, 07-14-2008 - 5:02pm

I feel so alone and have no idea what to think, do, feel.

Michaela  mommy to Alison born screaming 6-9-04 and ~Aaron~ born sleeping 12-11-02 38w 3d

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Mon, 07-14-2008 - 5:24pm

What exactly is your husband saying? He must have said something more than what you're saying here. Does he say if he's willing to work on whatever the issues are? Is he willing to see a marriage counselor together? What happens next depends a lot on the answers to those questions.

You need to work out a plan for what's supposed to happen. Things have to be decided about child visitation issues, and who is going to pay for what, and what's happening with any joint bank accounts or credit cards. You might want to talk to a lawyer about a separation agreement.

What you tell your child also depends on what's going to happen. You don't want to tell her that daddy is going away for just a little while if he's intending this to be permanent. You might want to discuss taking parenting classes together to learn how to deal with these sorts of issues.

There might be support groups in your area where you can talk to people going through the same things you're going through.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Mon, 07-14-2008 - 9:39pm

This is another death for both of you whether you are going to stay separated or not.


I can't comprehend...the death of a child and having the support of a loving man...and then the pressure for whatever reason...pushes you apart.


You unfortunately are going to go thru all of the grieving processes again.

Missy
Avatar for kyla2871
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 07-15-2008 - 9:54am

Thank you both for your responses.

Michaela  mommy to Alison born screaming 6-9-04 and ~Aaron~ born sleeping 12-11-02 38w 3d

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 07-15-2008 - 1:30pm

Welcome to the board kyla2871,


Glad to hear you are working things out.


Reading material to consider (read it to each other or together):


Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman
Relationship Rescue, Phil McGraw





angels

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Tue, 07-15-2008 - 9:12pm

I think for him to say he is willing to go to counseling is a HUGE thing!


That is good news...Good luck to you both!


Missy
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-17-2008 - 9:52am

Get yourself a good therapist as soon as possible. You need someone to give you support, clarity and help you work through what's going on. If your husband said love is not enough he is saying that there are issues which have not been worked through in the relationhip. Most likely he is not even truly aware of what they are, nor are you. It's also possible that neither of you have yet learned how to communicate with one another clearly and effectively.