Does it pay to be friends?
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| Fri, 07-18-2008 - 9:45pm |
Hi everyone. This is my first time posting. I was hoping I could hear what you guys think of my current situation. First, a short summary of how I got here:
I've been seeing Lindsay for the past 2 months on an extremely casual basis (we haven't gotten intimate). We were introduced by a common friend, and this common friend (a female) advised me early on that if I was serious about Lindsay that I'd be better off taking it slow. I'm not exactly the most patient guy, but after my first date with Lindsay, I felt we really hit it off so I decided to get to know her better. We'd go on casual dates every once in a while, chat online, and I even sent her flowers and an autographed book for her birthday. Long story short, I recently felt she had started to become more distant. When I asked our common friend to check up on her, she frantically got back to me and apologized, "I'm afraid I gave you the wrong advice. Lindsay's seeing someone, so you better make your move."
Not wanting to lose Lindsay, I did exactly that. Over dinner, I told her how I felt. She was completely blind-sided. She confessed that while we wasn't together with the guy yet, she was in fact seeing someone almost everyday. She said she had absolutely no idea that I was into her. She said she thought I was dating other people. I don't know if she was just being polite, but she even said that I was the first choice, but that I had left her hanging. When I explained that I had gone out of my way to be patient, I could swear I saw her tear up. In any case, I did my best to lighten the mood, and we ended up laughing about the whole thing as I dropped her home.
That night, I decided that I didn't want to give up yet. The following day, I tried to ask her out but kept getting a different vibe. It appears she now just wanted to be friends. I've been in enough relationships to know what "being friends" means...personally, I don't see the point in being friends if you still want the person. In any case, I'm stuck in a situation where she wants to be friends but I don't. I don't want to lose her, but I also realize that being friends is not the way to win her back (if at all).
I would appreciate your thoughts on how I should handle this. For example, I had wanted to surprise her by inviting her to meet her favorite writer, a reclusive writer whom I had somehow managed to find through the help of some friends. During the night I confessed my feelings, I had offered her the chance to meet him for coffee. Now she's asking if we can all still meet the writer.
I never agreed to be friends. In fact, I've told her on many occasions that I am a terrible friend. Let me know what you guys think.

I never listen to advice from so-called friends...they never give good advice when it comes to love.
Welcome to the board aristeia2008,
It is really hard to be 'just friends' with someone when you want more than just friendship from them. If you know your limitations (I'm a terrible friend.) then don't go there with her.