more chances?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2008
more chances?
4
Sun, 11-09-2008 - 7:43pm
So I've been dating my boyfriend for 11 months now. We have had many fights about my best friend.. who happens to be a guy. Once those fights ended, we were fine for quite a while. Then we got in a huge fight about who knows what, and we broke up for about 12 hours, until he said he was sorry for what he said and did. Now it's a few months later, and we've started to argue again. He doesn't seem like he wants to put a lot of effort into our relationship. Things like being on time to appointments, or reservations, and looking semi-nice. Also he doesn't really care about what my family thinks of him, and he never says please or thank you, I have to remind him. I know we grew up in two totally different homes, but it seems like he just doesn't care... Anyway, the other night we got into a fight because I didn't know what I wanted to do that night, and I asked him if he wanted to do anything specifically
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
In reply to: scoots2008
Sun, 11-09-2008 - 8:09pm

Your boyfriend is right. He shouldn't have to change for anyone. When we choose to be in a relationship with someone, we pretty much need to accept them for who they are.

However, YOU have a choice of whether or not to be with him. While you don't have the right to expect him to change, you certainly have the right to choose to walk away.

And for what it's worth, his behaviour would most certainly make ME walk away.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: scoots2008
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 10:42am

What you are describing is an abusive relationship. Of course there is absolutely no reason on earth and no excuse for his swearing at you. I don't know why you even imagine that this is acceptable behavior. Why would you want to be treated this way? He is totally self absorbed, childish and irresponsible and has no idea what it means to be in a mutual, healthy, considerate relationship. Of course individuals must respect one another and also change for one another if needed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
In reply to: scoots2008
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 12:22pm

'This then proceeded to lead to him telling me that he shouldn't have to change for anyone. I told him how much it hurt me that he swears at me, and makes me feel bad, but he said that that's who he was. '


He is right. He won't change so why stay with him and stay unhappy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2008
In reply to: scoots2008
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 3:03pm

Tell him to hit the road!