Is this going to fall to Commitment?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2005
Is this going to fall to Commitment?
6
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 9:00pm

My bf & I has been together for more than 3 yr now,I met him after a yr he was separated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 10:08pm

marielle, if you have a child with him, he will probably never marry you. Do you really want to raise a family with someone who can't say ANYTHING about your future together?

I don't think his daughter has an attitude toward you because she's brainwashed. I think she has an attitude because she's the daughter of divorced parents, and she's twelve. Closeness is going to take time. When you deal with the kids of single parents, you will often start out in a place of utter contempt. But often they will come around as they grow up.

If you want a future with him you have to set some boundaries. NO KIDS unless you can have a more open relationship about the future. PLEASE be firm about this or you may end up a single mother yourself. By this point in your relationship, most people would know whether or not they're going to be together in the future - and many would be married by now. You seem like a very forgiving and easygoing person, but don't forget to stand up for you want. Remember that it's easy for a man to wake up every morning and want you in his life that day, and carry that on for the rest of his life. But the moment you ask him to COMMIT to doing that for the rest of his life, he will get scared.

I think you need to be more firm with him, tell him that you don't feel right about not knowing what the future has in store, you want a marriage to him and a family and wouldn't be able to continue the relationship if he isn't in it for the same reasons.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 11-11-2008 - 9:50pm

Welcome to the board marielle2005,


I think eggbertshootsfire gave you good advice. I just wanted to recommend you read the book: Are You the One for Me? by Barbara DeAngelis





iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2005
Tue, 11-11-2008 - 11:20pm

Thank you. It feels relief when getting best advise from someone like you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 11-12-2008 - 7:13am

Marielle I think letting you into his family circle simply means he's comfortable with you in his life and around his family... It doesn't mean he will make a commitment to you.

A man who constantly says "don't worry" is actually saying "things are going great for ME so stop having expectations." He's not interested in what your idea of a relationship is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2005
Wed, 11-12-2008 - 8:43pm

I don't want to ruin and emote all alone on this coming holidays,I am not ready.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2005
Thu, 11-13-2008 - 9:59pm

Is there any by chance I can still save this relationship and let him realize how important my situation with him.