husband manipulates, silent treatment
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| Tue, 11-11-2008 - 3:08pm |
My husband is stationed in Korea for a year while I remain at home in the states with our children 11 and 13.
He runs around like he isn't married, getting drunk, out with his friend all the time and blows me off on the weekends, doesn't spend the night in his dorm room and claims he is with his friend (a guy) whom he seems to emulate. He will do all these things and when I get mad he hangs up on me and ignores me for days, will not call, answer, ignores emails. My birthday just passed and I didn't get one phone call or email. We've been married for 14 years and it disturbs me deeply that he can be so flippant about our family. He blames his childhood of not being a 'popular' kid for always having to party now. Truth is, I just am not buying it anymore. What can I do when he gives me the silent treatment. It hurts very badly and makes me feel like a nobody.

I can understand how his silence hurts you. However, I don't agree that he should have to stay in at night. If there's no family to go home to, why not go out and have a good time?
Has his silence been an ongoing issue throughout your marriage....or is it his reaction to your current feelings?
Welcome to the board jadedwife,
I can understand you being upset about your husband's lack of interest in communicating with you and your children while he is deployed. However, it does seem like these problems have been around for years and they aren't going to change very easily at this point. Especially while he is in another country. I think your best bet is to let him know how you feel and that you really want to work on these issues when he returns. Don't expect him to change right now though. I just don't see that happening.
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It sounds as though your husband is having a kind of breakdown, mid-life crisis, plus a thousand. His treatment of you is abusive. In fact, he is pretending that he is single and has no further responsibilities. Of course it hurt very much. On your side, you do not have to be there for this - or accept this treatment. You do not have to take his calls either, when he does call. You can let him know that his behavior has consequences and that you may not always be there for him if he behaves this way. Take a step back. Do not allow or accept abuse. Get yourself a good therapist and work out the hurt and shocked feelings you have. Then, little by little you will be able to make choices that are respectful and healthy for yourself.
All good wishes,
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