Should I leave it alone??

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2008
Should I leave it alone??
8
Mon, 11-17-2008 - 11:16am
So about a year ago me and my boyfriend were going thru some hard times, We were on the verge of breaking up when we found out I was pregnant. 2 months into my pregnancy he broke up with me, He stated that he needed sometime for himself and wasn’t sure on what to do with everything. I was extremely hurt (being pregnant I was even more emotional than ever), I learned to deal with the brake and continued to see him for doctor appts, Ultrasounds, and whenever I felt lonely he would come from school and visit me (wink wink). I had the baby, something came up that he had to move away to Oklahoma for college. About 3 months after the baby was born. He decided that I was the one he wanted to be with and told me about some girl in school that he was interested in, and confessed to kissing her once, but not liking her, He said he felt bad for her (b/c she was previously in an abusive relationship). Now we have been happy and he is back we are living together. Just a week ago, e-mails and some pictures were brought to my attention of him and the girl stating that they “LOVE” each other (everything dated around the time we broke up) and pictures of them kissing, now what hurt the most is that the pictures I saw were dated a week after I had the baby and he took her to a college dance. Now I understand that we were broken up that’s fine but the fact that he wrote that he loved the girl bothers me and confuses the hell out of me. I did bring this to his attention and he apologized about it. He said that he was just stupid and was scared with the baby coming, but he continued to state that he was just being STUPID. I do Love him and accept the fact that we were broken up, but he lied to me about how serious this “little fling” actually was… How do I put this behind me and realize that this is the past?? I know he loves me and wants the best for his family but right now he is a liar in my eyes. And I find myself brushing him off, and having this whatever attitude and I don’t want to b/c again I do love. Can you have your guard up and still give someone your all?
*Love can't be healthy... lol.
*Love can't be healthy... lol.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 11-17-2008 - 1:02pm

Welcome to the board nalizae,


My guess is that he didn't really lie, but rather after time and perspective, he's looking at it differently and realizing that it wasn't 'real' love even though when he was caught up in the moment it felt like it was.


::Can you have your guard up and still give someone your all?


No.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Mon, 11-17-2008 - 7:58pm

I see that his use of the word "love" has become tainted in your eyes because he applied it to a relationship that didnt meet the criteria for love - and - how does that reflect upon his use of the word "love" to describe you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Tue, 11-18-2008 - 4:54am

The guy dumped you while you were PREGNANT WITH HIS CHILD. Personally, I wouldn't have given him a second chance.

And no, you cannot have your guard up and still give a relationship your all. The two concepts are contradictory.

baby siggy
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2008
Tue, 11-18-2008 - 10:46am
I just wanted to say thank you for everyone's opinion. God Bless.
*Love can't be healthy... lol.
*Love can't be healthy... lol.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 11-18-2008 - 1:53pm

Welcome to the board lianne_67,


Thanks for participating!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Tue, 11-18-2008 - 2:41pm
Thank you :o)
baby siggy
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-19-2008 - 11:24am

Actually, he had every right to be the other girl at that time because you were "broken up". The fact that he didn't go into all the details of the relationship is normal. There was no need for you to hear every bit of it. He minimized it because he loved you ultimately and felt badly. It's a mistake for you to think of him as a "liar". In fact, he came back to you, he's with you as a father to the baby and he is showing his love to you now. Why in the world would you want to spoil such a positive situation? Why would you want to reject him and punish him for something that happened when you were broken up?


It seems as if you are trying to find a reason for being angry, upset and hurtful towards him. In fact, you are fortunate that he loves you and is with you and that you both can be parents to your child. It's really important that you let go of this unnecessary anger and see the big picture and be grateful for all the good you now have.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2008
Thu, 11-20-2008 - 9:05am
thanks for the advice.
*Love can't be healthy... lol.
*Love can't be healthy... lol.