What Do I Do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2005
What Do I Do?
7
Mon, 11-17-2008 - 11:50pm

hey everyone,


i've been

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Tue, 11-18-2008 - 12:16pm
Could it be that you aren't ready for a serious relationhip with anyone? Or you aren't used to being teated well so you want to sabotage it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 11-18-2008 - 2:11pm

Welcome to the board alana_thompson,


Consider that you are looking at and focusing on what you don't have (the part that is missing) vs. enjoying and focusing on what you do have....


Reading material to consider:


Are You The One For Me? Barbara DeAngelis





iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 11-18-2008 - 3:05pm

Welcome to the board alana_thompson,


I agree it would be pretty hard to talk to him about how you are feeling when you can pinpoint yourself what you feel is missing.


Could it be that you are just afraid that something will go wrong so you are looking for a problem?


Maybe you just need to relax and have fun and try not to worry. (easier said than done huh)

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-19-2008 - 11:20am

If you don't know what's missing, we can't tell you. This is something you have to find out for yourself. What is it that you are hoping for? Is it something another person can give you, or is it something you have to find for yourself, in your own life? Some people carry fantasies around about how they will feel in a relationship or how their lives will change and be when they are with the "right" one. Often these fantasies are just that - fantasies, and when they're not fulfilled there is a sense of something missing.


No one can tell you what to do until you find out for yourself what it is your are truly longing for - what's right here and what's wrong? I recommend that you seek some counselling, and talk to someone who is trained and can help you understand both yourself and the situation more fully.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Wed, 11-19-2008 - 4:22pm
Perhaps you are missing the feeling of falling deeply in love... Do you feel attracted to him? Is there an emotional/spiritual bond between you that you're happy with? When you are with him, do you feel happy or anxious? Is this "missing something" a feeling you get only when you're apart?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Wed, 11-19-2008 - 4:32pm

Hi Alana,


Is there anything consistent about when this issue comes up or bothers you?

DJbootcamp

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
Thu, 11-20-2008 - 3:39am
i was in a relationship just like this a few years ago. when i finally realized what was missing it all made sense. we had no passion left. i wasnt turned on by him anymore. i didnt realize it because i loved him so much. i think that somethimes the chemistry can just not be there even if you love someone. we are complex as humans and to fit together perfectly is not always easy. i broke up with him eventually. we went to counselling and gave it everything. we had become best friends but i just coudlnt see him in a sexual way anymore. at the time it was awful but now im glad that i didnt waste his time or mine. he deserves someone who is completely happy with him and so do i. good luck :)