Should I still fight the fight.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2007
Should I still fight the fight.
12
Wed, 11-19-2008 - 3:37pm

I've been popping on this board off and on for a couple of years basically with the same issues with my relationship. Without writing out everything out here again... I've been seeing a counselor and he want me to basically draw a line in the sand. I'm certain this will cause a divorce but I'm too the point I almost giving up anyway. So I decided to write this out, because she responds better then a verbal conversation. This is what I wrote so far...


I need to talk. Before I say anything I need you to understand I haven't stopped loving you and since our divorce talk I do see the little things you are doing to try to improve things, hopefully so do you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Wed, 11-19-2008 - 4:24pm

A couple of things that I see I would do is to go into detail the things that you see your spouse doing differently to improve the relationship.

DJbootcamp

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2007
Wed, 11-19-2008 - 5:20pm

Thanks...I'll add that.


If you wanted to see my(our) issues do a search for my name my_privacy


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Wed, 11-19-2008 - 7:06pm

I went back looking at some of your other posts...


I see you are a touchy/feely person but are you sure that your wife's love language is gifts of service?

DJbootcamp

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2007
Thu, 11-20-2008 - 8:23am

I changed it to this...


I need to talk. Before I say anything I need you to understand I haven’t stopped loving you and I do see the little things you are doing to try to improve things, such as the occasional kiss or wearing of your wedding ring when you went out with your friend, or increasing your medication but I guess I’m frustrated because I see you spinning in a downward pattern and there is nothing I can do to help you. And I want to carry you through this, so you don’t have this pain or uncertainty any more, but you barely let me in anymore…


Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-20-2008 - 10:12am

Open, honest communication is the basis of all healthy relationships. This is a tool that many couples do not have. Your wife needs to understand that although she may be trying on her own, the real effort that has to be made is to sit down and open up to another - to be willing to listen to the other's needs and wants and to find of ways of satisfying both partners. Because your pattern has been going on for so long, it seems as if the relationship needs a good, well trained marriage counselor to work with both of you in communicating your needs and finding ways to fulfill them. Personal therapy is excellent, but often the relationship needs special attention, help, tools of its own. Suggest that to her. Let her know you love her and want things to work, but it takes more than love. It takes mutual understanding and cooperation to work through differences.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2007
Thu, 11-20-2008 - 1:03pm

This is her reply...


Well I don't know what to say except if I go see the doc she will only tell me to double up on the meds which I can do on my own.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2007
Thu, 11-20-2008 - 1:30pm

I know I should be doing this in person but she shuts down when we get into these talks.... This is what I wrote..


I’m not miserable, I’m frustrated and mostly lonely. I miss you hun. I don’t want to leave you, I love you. If I wanted to leave I wouldn’t be fighting so hard to try to make things work. But I’ve done all that I can do, you need to help yourself.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Thu, 11-20-2008 - 1:46pm

Sounds good to me....

DJbootcamp

DJbootcamp

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2007
Thu, 11-20-2008 - 1:51pm
I am sorry to be putting you through all of this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2008
Thu, 11-20-2008 - 2:53pm
She is VERY VERY lucky to have you.

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