coping with guilt

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
coping with guilt
12
Sun, 11-23-2008 - 6:38pm

i have been agonizing over how i

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Sun, 11-23-2008 - 7:28pm
If he would break up with you over this, then it's better to tell him and get it over with rather than to let him go into a marriage based on deceit. At least let him make the choice. It was only a kiss.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 11-23-2008 - 8:02pm

Muffin, the right thing to do is keep this to yourself. Telling him may help you release a little of your guilt...but you'll only make him feel bad.

Learn from your mistake and keep the guilt to yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Sun, 11-23-2008 - 8:29pm

Guilt isn't something you want to cope with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Sun, 11-23-2008 - 10:08pm
thank you so much for your input. i wont be telling him. but you are right, guilt is a terrible thing to cope with. i dont know how i can forgive myself. but i do know it wont happen again. i need to try to just forget it ever happened and move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Sun, 11-23-2008 - 10:51pm
I have a different perspective - you didnt kiss because you were drunk.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Sun, 11-23-2008 - 10:51pm

I would tell him. You can check the "Life After Betrayal" board on i-village to see what the people there say. While I haven't been to that one or any of the affair boards on i-village, I have lurked on another similar board in the past. Everybody there who had been cheated on and found out about it later seemed unanimous in believing you should tell when something like this happened. None of them bought the argument that not having been told would have spared their feelings, and they all felt they had the right to know.

If you don't tell, it can come out some other way later on, and that would be much worse. Plus, he will probably be able to sense that something is off anyway. It is better to speak up and have a relationship based on honesty. If he chooses to leave you for it, that's his right. If he doesn't, then it will hurt him, but you will be able to build a stronger relationship when you are honest about what happened.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Mon, 11-24-2008 - 10:30am

<< dont dismiss this act - something is not right with the relationship and you have time to either correct it or break it off.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Mon, 11-24-2008 - 1:11pm

I guess we disagree about the kissing thing - if I were in a relationship and drunk or not, kissed another man...I'd know that something was not right..even if I couldnt put my finger on what it exactly was that was wrong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Mon, 11-24-2008 - 2:17pm

thank you for that. i know myself and i know this will never happen again. i dont want to consider what i did as cheating, eventhough i guess it is. but whatevr i call it, it is one time act. i value my man, respect him, fully trust him, and i want to continue being worthy of his love. i was prior to this night. and it will take every ounce to fully feel back to thinking i deserve him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 11-24-2008 - 4:15pm

Welcome to the board muffin626,


If the roles were reversed and your bf did this (kissed another girl while drunk) would you want to know? Would you consider it cheating?





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