an odd situation...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2008
an odd situation...
7
Mon, 11-24-2008 - 8:58am
I have been married for 3 years. We have a child together and 2 from my previous marriage. Things are great! We work opposite shifts so there is always someone here to take care of the kids. He is great with them! He has many good qualities.
I, however, have a problem. Its about housework. I have asked him for help around the house because I am getting burned out doing everything myself. He sometimes does the dishes while I am at work and picks up around here. But when I am home, like on my days off,and he decides to help out by doing something, I get very annoyed at him! He obviously picks up on it, and goes back to playing his computer game. I don't reconize that I have been rude until after it's done and I've been sarcastic or whatever. I feel stupid then, because all he is doing is what I have asked him repeatedly to do. I honestly do not understand. To me, when I look back, I am talking out both sides of my mouth. It has got to confuse him, cuz it sure does me! I think this is why he controls when we have sex (only when he wants to) because he feels it's the only thing he can control? I apologize if this post really does not make sense...but any advice would be appriecated!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 11-24-2008 - 4:25pm

Welcome to the board cramerlynn,


Since you've noticed what's happening, now you need to be aware before it happens and figure out what you really want.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2008
Mon, 11-24-2008 - 6:33pm

you know, I am honestly not sure. I know he is capable of doing whatever task he is doing or about to do. Maybe it is a turf thing. Its something to think about.
It seems, though, that it's at his convience whenever he does do something. Like today, after getting home from work, I had to change the baby (who was stinky, and had been for some time cuz it leaked through the diaper and onto his jammies) and pack smokes, cuz he had to go to work, but was too busy to do either task because he was playing his world of warcraft. he was so into it, that he was almost late for work. so that annoyed me. *just venting here*
It is definately something to think about, the reason why i get that way. I definately do not want to deter him from doing things around the house or helpin with the kids :D

thanks for replying!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 11-24-2008 - 6:37pm

Welcome to the board cramerlynn,


Do you think maybe the reason you get on to him about helping with the chores while you are at home is maybe because you don't like the way he does them? Do you have a problem with the fact that he controls when you have sex? If so, it sounds like you need to talk to him about this.


I think you need to tell him that you really appreciate his help and that you are sorry that you get on the him. It might also help to thank him for his help when you see him doing something around the

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 11-24-2008 - 6:37pm

Hmm, if he's busy playing online games when things need to be done and you feel overwhelmed, could be just plain ole resentment building up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 11-24-2008 - 6:48pm
I don't think that not having sex when he doesn't feel like it is tantamount to "controlling". I think it would be a lot more controlling for you to press him for sex when he's not in the mood.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2008
Tue, 11-25-2008 - 11:48am

Kind of sucks being married to a boy, doesn't it? No offense but a grown man that can't bother to help clean his home or is almost late for work over a GAME is nothing more than a little boy in a man's body. It's sad that you have kids with this guy and he's nothing but a kid himself. You'll probably respond that you really love him and besides this problem he's just perfect. WRONG.

Video/computer games are becoming more and more popular as relationship breakers. It's pathetic. I absolutely hate games and I think it's pathetic how some men get so into them that they don't realize the mess their making of their life. Did you hear recently a man died from a 50-hour binge of World of Warcraft? Dead because of a game?! Men would rather play in their little alternate reality than live in the real world which consists of a loving wife, beautiful children, and a home that needs tending. Isn't that nice?

So, my opinion on why he doesn't clean but you get annoyed when he tries to on your day off is simple: he wants you to think he's helping by doing it directly in front of you when in reality he's not doing jack and you know it. Don't ever feel guilty about your feelings and annoyances over this because HE'S wrong NOT YOU!




Edited 11/25/2008 6:03 pm ET by luvable_leah




3 years of bliss

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2008
Tue, 11-25-2008 - 6:02pm
I have to agree with luvable_leah! Unfortunately you're blaming yourself for his shortcomings. So you get annoyed and want to change that, fine. Never anything wrong with changing behaviors but don't think it's all you. He shouldn't even be playing WoW if he isn't changing your baby (you stated you came home to a stinky baby and him playing games, that's child neglect and it's abusive as it could cause painful rashes) or doing his equal amount of chores. It's so sad how many men play video games, pathetic definitely. Tell him to stop doing chores in front of you, his chores should be done when you get home