an odd situation...
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an odd situation...
| Mon, 11-24-2008 - 8:58am |
I have been married for 3 years. We have a child together and 2 from my previous marriage. Things are great! We work opposite shifts so there is always someone here to take care of the kids. He is great with them! He has many good qualities.
I, however, have a problem. Its about housework. I have asked him for help around the house because I am getting burned out doing everything myself. He sometimes does the dishes while I am at work and picks up around here. But when I am home, like on my days off,and he decides to help out by doing something, I get very annoyed at him! He obviously picks up on it, and goes back to playing his computer game. I don't reconize that I have been rude until after it's done and I've been sarcastic or whatever. I feel stupid then, because all he is doing is what I have asked him repeatedly to do. I honestly do not understand. To me, when I look back, I am talking out both sides of my mouth. It has got to confuse him, cuz it sure does me! I think this is why he controls when we have sex (only when he wants to) because he feels it's the only thing he can control? I apologize if this post really does not make sense...but any advice would be appriecated!!
I, however, have a problem. Its about housework. I have asked him for help around the house because I am getting burned out doing everything myself. He sometimes does the dishes while I am at work and picks up around here. But when I am home, like on my days off,and he decides to help out by doing something, I get very annoyed at him! He obviously picks up on it, and goes back to playing his computer game. I don't reconize that I have been rude until after it's done and I've been sarcastic or whatever. I feel stupid then, because all he is doing is what I have asked him repeatedly to do. I honestly do not understand. To me, when I look back, I am talking out both sides of my mouth. It has got to confuse him, cuz it sure does me! I think this is why he controls when we have sex (only when he wants to) because he feels it's the only thing he can control? I apologize if this post really does not make sense...but any advice would be appriecated!!

Welcome to the board cramerlynn,
Since you've noticed what's happening, now you need to be aware before it happens and figure out what you really want.
you know, I am honestly not sure. I know he is capable of doing whatever task he is doing or about to do. Maybe it is a turf thing. Its something to think about.
It seems, though, that it's at his convience whenever he does do something. Like today, after getting home from work, I had to change the baby (who was stinky, and had been for some time cuz it leaked through the diaper and onto his jammies) and pack smokes, cuz he had to go to work, but was too busy to do either task because he was playing his world of warcraft. he was so into it, that he was almost late for work. so that annoyed me. *just venting here*
It is definately something to think about, the reason why i get that way. I definately do not want to deter him from doing things around the house or helpin with the kids :D
thanks for replying!!
Welcome to the board cramerlynn,
Do you think maybe the reason you get on to him about helping with the chores while you are at home is maybe because you don't like the way he does them? Do you have a problem with the fact that he controls when you have sex? If so, it sounds like you need to talk to him about this.
I think you need to tell him that you really appreciate his help and that you are sorry that you get on the him. It might also help to thank him for his help when you see him doing something around the
glitter-graphics.com
Hmm, if he's busy playing online games when things need to be done and you feel overwhelmed, could be just plain ole resentment building up.
Kind of sucks being married to a boy, doesn't it? No offense but a grown man that can't bother to help clean his home or is almost late for work over a GAME is nothing more than a little boy in a man's body. It's sad that you have kids with this guy and he's nothing but a kid himself. You'll probably respond that you really love him and besides this problem he's just perfect. WRONG.
Video/computer games are becoming more and more popular as relationship breakers. It's pathetic. I absolutely hate games and I think it's pathetic how some men get so into them that they don't realize the mess their making of their life. Did you hear recently a man died from a 50-hour binge of World of Warcraft? Dead because of a game?! Men would rather play in their little alternate reality than live in the real world which consists of a loving wife, beautiful children, and a home that needs tending. Isn't that nice?
So, my opinion on why he doesn't clean but you get annoyed when he tries to on your day off is simple: he wants you to think he's helping by doing it directly in front of you when in reality he's not doing jack and you know it. Don't ever feel guilty about your feelings and annoyances over this because HE'S wrong NOT YOU!
Edited 11/25/2008 6:03 pm ET by luvable_leah
3 years of bliss