husband walked out

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2008
husband walked out
5
Sat, 11-29-2008 - 7:11am
He took me to lunch for my birthday on Monday. He could not plan this, my birthday was in August, he told me to plan my own birthday celebration. He is lazy that way, he never planned out any thing, he always said I am not a planner if you want to do it plan it. I was reluctant b/c it was my birthday couldn't he have planned it? I had to pick him up b/c his car "broke down" we were going to parent teacher conferences that day after lunch. Well I digress, we had a nice lunch and I thought things were going good. This is when he decides he is going to tell me he filed for a divorce. Wow now I am shocked and sad. I want to discuss this you think he could have brought this up when there was more time. Now, I have to go into these conferences and put on a happy face. He managed to do it and leave without looking back, which makes me think that he has planned this out for awhile. He tells me that his mom will be picking him up from conferences and he will not be returning home. Is it another woman? Who knows. Why wouldn't he at least say something to his children? He just left with his mom. She lives an hour away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 11-29-2008 - 1:53pm

Welcome to the board girlsmomalone,


We all seek to create meaning out of the things that happen to us, but knowing what's in someone else's mind is not easy, especially if they aren't sharing it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sat, 11-29-2008 - 4:43pm

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Why did he do it? Only he knows. However, given your comments about him not planning for your birthday, I suspect he felt that he couldn't live up to your expectations. Perhaps he felt that you were unable to accept him for who he is?

I find it extremly odd that you started this thread by criticising his lack of planning ability.....makes me wonder if you were guilty of nagging him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Sun, 11-30-2008 - 6:31pm

Welcome to the board,


Honestly it is hard to say why he did what he did and they way he did it. Obviously though it sounds like it really wasn't that big of a deal to him and that should tell you a lot about how he feels about you and your marriage. Sorry you had to go through this.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-01-2008 - 1:06pm

I am very sorry to hear such a sad and awful story. Your husband has no consideration at all for you or your feelings. Yes, he did plan this out. It's very hurtful, abusive, cruel and irresponsible. What about the children? Clearly, he is not a person who is able to deal with life in a kind, upright, mature or responsible way.


This will take awhile to work out. You may be in shock now. I suggest you surround yourself with friends and those who love you. Get a good counsellor and talk about all that is involved. Little by little you will work out what happened. It will take time, so be gentle and patient with yourself. In the long run, you are well rid of this kind of person, but of course right now, there are many other feelings and issues to work through.


All the very best,

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2006
Mon, 12-01-2008 - 4:49pm
Wow, I am sorry about this. As a woman married to a man too close to his parents, I wonder what role his mother played in this. The fact that she picked him up and brought him to her house sounds very shady. Maybe, he will agree to counseling?