Why is he looking at online profiles?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2008
Why is he looking at online profiles?
9
Mon, 12-01-2008 - 11:28am

My bf and I have been together 14 months. We are talking about marriage, have gone shopping for rings.

I recently found that he is signed up on really skanky personals online. More than one site. I ask him about it and he says he just looks at the pictures. But why would he have a filled-out profile if he just wants to look at pictures.

Six months ago, I caught him cheating (I looked at his phone). He was trying to set up a date with someone he met at work.

Now I'm not sure if he's cheating, or just looking at womens pictures, or what.

I am in love with him. I could leave but I don't want to. If you were me, what would you do?

Do all men look at profiles? or do all men just cheat?

Thanks for reading
WW

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 12-01-2008 - 12:09pm

Don't bother with someone who cheats. If he's cheated on you and continues to act in the way a cheater would (looking up online profiles), why should you trust him? If he were really trustworthy after cheating on you only a HALF YEAR ago, wouldn't he stop making an effort to contact women behind your back entirely?

If you stay with someone who continues acting shady after proving that he's capable of cheating on you, you will have only yourself to blame when (not IF, WHEN) he continues cheating on you.

You can't change who he is, wouldn't you rather spend your time with someone who doesn't make you wonder like this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2008
Mon, 12-01-2008 - 12:30pm

When I was 19, I caught my then boyfriend of one year looking at the same sites and saw that he had actually paid for some (the only reason you have to pay for most is to email people, looking at pictures is free). So, if you can find out if he's paid for any of the memberships to these sites it'll give you some insight on whether he plans to cheat. Oh, and my ex did end up cheating - with a girl he found on a personals site. I'm definitely not with him anymore.

Not all men cheat because some men are satisfied with what they have. Unfortunately, your boyfriend is one that will never been 100% satisfied with just one woman. He's also going to continue to cheat, I'm sure of it, because you look away. You forgave him for cheating once. You know what that tells your boyfriend, right? That he can get away with it again and again.

Good luck. You're in for a bumpy ride.













I will never look back and wonder "what if".



I will never regret what I've done because, although I've made mistakes, I'll never have to wonder what it would have been like.



I will never let my one true love get away and regret what could have been. Everything that is worth having is going to be hard. We will cry and sometimes feel like we don't know what to do

anymore but we'll get through everything that comes our way because we're doing it together.









I will die with no fear because I'll know I lived a great life with you and that I did what I feel is the basis of true happiness: love someone with every emotion I have.



I will wake up every morning knowing that one day I will never wake up and this will allow me to enjoy everything I do now.




3 years of bliss





3 years of bliss

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-01-2008 - 12:49pm

All men do not cheat and all men do not register to look at single women. There is a problem here. Even though he loves you, clearly, he feels the need to Look at others ( and you said he even tried to set up a date). So, there's trouble in paradise here. Don't brush this under the rug. He obviously feels the need to roam. Unless he faces this, and deals with it, professionally with some good cousneling, he isn't ready for the kind of committment you're hoping for.


Just looking is not an excuse. When you want to committ to someone, the need to do that kind of looking should be gone. Of course guys look at women in passing, but this is something else. This is not a secure situation for you at the present time.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 12-01-2008 - 2:14pm

Welcome to the board wonderwoman9,


No, all men do not cheat. Nor do all men look at profiles.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Mon, 12-01-2008 - 5:08pm

<< Six months ago, I caught him cheating (I looked at his phone). He was trying to set up a date with someone he met at work. >>


Why on God's Green Earth are you still with someone who 'attempted' (perhaps more, who knows how much you really know!) to cheat on you ... and you had not even been together a year?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Mon, 12-01-2008 - 7:06pm
I wouldnt be happy either if I were you. You need to find out why he posted a profile and what he gets out of interacting with women this way. If he is not the type who can be satisfied with one woman then you need to know now .. before you get married.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2008
Mon, 12-01-2008 - 9:23pm

Thanks for all your messages and advice/opinions.

I really like to think that I'm healthy enough, happy enough to not stay in a situation that I believed to be less than what I deserve. Maybe that isn't true. Maybe I'm too afraid to be alone or to jump back into the dating pool. But that doesn't feel like that's all there is to it. I love this man, and he seems like he is willing to look at himself, to admit his faults, to explore why he does these things and to change his ways. He is spiritual and admits his flaws, granted he doesn't admit all of them until I catch him. But I guess I don't know if he's perfected this scene over time, talking past girlfriends into staying. And also I wonder if I am holding him to a higher standard what I hold myself up to. I'm no saint. I'm not a liar or a cheater, but I'm not the perfect girlfriend either.

Is there anyone out there who stayed? Who worked through the cheating and found a way to trust again? We don't have children, are not married. The only reason to stay is that the thought of leaving him makes me physically ill.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2007
Mon, 12-01-2008 - 11:13pm

QUOTE: "And also I wonder if I am holding him to a higher standard what I hold myself up to. I'm no saint. I'm not a liar or a cheater, but I'm not the perfect girlfriend either."


Soooo.... if you AREN'T perfect then he gets to

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Tue, 12-02-2008 - 3:15pm

<< I'm no saint. I'm not a liar or a cheater, but I'm not the perfect girlfriend either. >>


Nobody's perfect.