Has anyone had this problem?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
Has anyone had this problem?
5
Tue, 12-02-2008 - 10:28am

So for the past month or two my relationship with my boyfriend has been a little not so good . We've been going out for almost a year and a half and he recently just moved in with me at the end of August, so I thought "ok, this is normal. Im shure every relationship hits some bumps and things will get better."
Well as far as my thinking goes, yeah there are days when it seems better and than there are days when it isnt. I'd have to admit yes, I am to blame for some of it and yes he is to. Some of the reasons have to do with the times hes lied to me, but after being caught yes he did admit to it. And I recently found out of a huge lie him and his friend pulled on me and I guess im still mad about that to. He hangs out with this friend and brings him over to the house and I can seem a bit "bitchy" when hes over.
I still hold some resentment or whatever you want to call it, I trust my boyfriend but not his friends nor approve of some of the things he does/says when hes out with the guys.

Yesterday I didnt go to school and everytime I miss school my boyfriend flips out on me and gets all mad for most of the day. I went out for 2 hours and before I came home my boyfriend was on the phone with one of my best friends. I talked to her for 2min and she told me to go talk to him because he was discussing with her why he was mad at me. I went out and talked to him and all he said was he was upset that I didnt go to school and about his back beeing in a lot of pain but nothing else. I called my friend back shortly after when my boy wasnt in the room and asked her what he said to her. He didnt say to me what he said to her at all.
He told her that he felt like I wasnt interested in our relationship at all anymore and that I am not open about my feelings and how he wants me to talk to him and stuff like that. He never said any of this to me which sort of worries me that he wasnt open to me but could tell my bestfriend. I have really bad anxiety and yes I know it does affect my relationship with my boyfriend and thats why im trying to find a psychiatrist so I can go back on meds and have a better relationship with him.

Do you think maybe he was just venting because he was upset or should I need to worry about mine and his relationship.
I love him to death and I know we can work whatever comes our way out, but I dont fully understand what he meant by he feels like im not interested in him anymore or how to show him I am.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Tue, 12-02-2008 - 12:02pm

If he has a problem he needs to talk to you..not your friend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2008
Tue, 12-02-2008 - 1:48pm

No advice but this guy sounds possessive and insecure.

gOd bleSS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Tue, 12-02-2008 - 6:44pm

>>....that I am not open about my feelings ....<<

Juggalette, I have a very different view a previous poster on him sharing his thoughts with your friend.

If he feels that you are not open, then he would be suffering a great deal of anxiety regarding how to address the problems you are having. He probably *wants* to talk to you, but doesn't know how to break down your walls.

Your friend knows you well. It's very likely that he was speaking to her in an attempt to get advice on how to approach the issues with you.

I have a male friend who went through this recently with his (now ex) girlfriend. Each time he raised an issue, she was closed to discussion. He used to talk to us in an effort to figure out A) to how get her to talk and B) to discern if he was being unreasonable.

As far as the lies and his mates go, I'd want more information before I comment. What type of lies are we talking about here? And importantly, why did your boyfriend feel the need to lie?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
Wed, 12-03-2008 - 9:21am

One day in the summer my boyfriend told me he was going to work and he would call my cell phone when he got off. Well he didnt come home that night and I was up all night and ended up going to his "best friends" house at like 11am looking for him. His friend told me he didnt know where my boyfriend was so I was outside having a smoke and he called a friends house and than all of a sudden after that phone call he told me that my boyfriend went to a co-workers house and he seen him walking their. My boyfriend ended up coming to his friends house and he told me he was at his co-workers.

On halloween i found out that he did not go to a co-workers house but got drunk at my bestfriends friend's house and stayed the night there. When i confronted him about this when I found out he did fess up but now i cant trust his friend worth sh** after I had stayed up all night worried sick, like i told him i called the police station and the hospital because I thought something had happened to him. My boyfriend said he lied because he wanted to get out of the house and from my perspective not be around me. He has a problem with including me in on his outings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Wed, 12-03-2008 - 9:30am

I don't see any reason to date someone who lies to you and has problems including you in his life.

I agree he wants to get away from you and not share his REAL self with you.