My ex wants me back, but he has a gf

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2008
My ex wants me back, but he has a gf
5
Thu, 12-04-2008 - 3:18pm

My ex has a gf, but has never stopped trying to get me back. His gf is angry at me, not him. What do I do?

My ex-boyfriend and I remained friends for two years after our break-up, but his girlfriend recently told me (in a text message) to leave him alone. I never knew that my ex had a girlfriend! It turns out that he has been dating her for at least a year, but had hidden her from me. Now his girlfriend thinks I’m a bitter ex-girlfriend who’s trying to steal her man.

But the truth is that my ex has been cheating on his girlfriend with me. (Emotional cheating is serious, too.) My ex has never stopped asking me to get back with him, and always told me he still loved me and that I was the only girl for him. He recently told me he wanted to visit me at Christmas. I’m so embarrassed and confused!

Did my ex find a new girlfriend to get over me? Is she just someone convenient he wanted to have sex with? Someone he was keeping just in case I never took him back? Do you think he planned to have both of us as his girlfriends (while keeping it a secret)? I don’t know what to believe anymore. I’m not flattered, and I don’t plan to take my ex back or ruin his relationship with his girlfriend. But I just wish I could understand why he did what he did. Why couldn’t he just tell me that he had moved on?

I’m mad now because he’s making me out to be a psychotic stalker. His girlfriend asked me a bunch of questions like “When did you last see him?” and “Did he say he still loves you?”, but now accuses me of lying. She told me to stop hating. I decided to end contact with my ex and his girlfriend, but how do I deal with my anger? I’m not jealous, but I hate that my ex is getting away with his lies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 12-04-2008 - 3:50pm

Welcome to the board rr85,


It doesn't matter why he's with her. The only thing that matters is that he is with her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Thu, 12-04-2008 - 5:03pm

<< I decided to end contact with my ex and his girlfriend, but how do I deal with my anger? I’m not jealous, but I hate that my ex is getting away with his lies. >>


That's absolutely the best thing you could have done.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Thu, 12-04-2008 - 6:02pm
Dont take her calls - text her back that he lied to both of you, she can have him, and that you are now changing your phone number so that neither one of them can contact you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Thu, 12-04-2008 - 6:42pm

Your anger is understandable and will fade with time. If it helps, vent here or to your friends. Have a good laugh at how pathetic they both are. I hate it when women fight one another over a man, it's so sad to see a woman direct her anger at another woman instead of the real culprit, the cheating ass she chooses to stay with!

Find the humor in the situation and you may heal faster.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-05-2008 - 9:53am

You're right. Stay away from him and his girlfriend. Your ex has been playing games with both of you. He may have been using you to keep his girlfriend jealous, or from expecting too much of him - or perhaps he truly did want you back, and she was just there as a convenience. We don't know as we haven't spoken to him about this in depth. But, whatever his reason may be, it doesn't matter. His behavior is not healthy or upright for either of you. An ex means over. So, let it be over and stay away. The fact that he's blaming you now for this situation shows how confused and untruthful he is.


Best wishes,