Hostility and Anger

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Hostility and Anger
6
Fri, 12-05-2008 - 12:14am

I have been having angry outbursts towards my husband for no reason at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Fri, 12-05-2008 - 6:49am

I'm not sure why you entered into this marriage if his controlling behavior is such an issue, you may love him but he clearly does not bring out the best in you - I would find it hard to believe this marriage was not a mistake, especially if he's not willing to get help. I do think however that YOU need to find a counselor who specializes in anger (I've looked these up myself and there are many) and find out how you can control these outbursts and where they're coming from. If he wants to be a less controlling person it will take admission to his problem and years of work to sort out his insecurities - it takes a lot for people to use their own problems to control others and this does not go away easily. If he's not willing to do that then you don't really have any hope of changing this trait in him.

I hope you can find someone to help you soon so that you can end the separation and move on with your life in one way or another.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-05-2008 - 9:44am

Certainly if you are having these angry outbursts and even acted out physically towards your husband, I would certainly urge you to find a good therapist and work hard on the causes of this and how to heal it. It is one thing to

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 12-05-2008 - 2:30pm

Welcome to the board beckman152000,


Even if he won't go to counseling, go alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 12-05-2008 - 3:36pm

I never consider anything a mistake. Instead I consider it an educational experience that I look back on and say to myself, "Wow! I learned a lot from that." By the way, he was not like this until we were married and moved to another state. I wrote this in my first post.


Let me clarify a few things. First, I just want to say nothing excuses his controlling behavior. He is from Kenya. In his country, the man does control the wife and even beats her. This is not to say that all Kenyan men beat their wives, but it is common. Women are still considered a piece of property in which men bargain with the parents in order to marry their daughter.


I constantly explain to him that this is not how things are done in the United States. I am very free-willed. I like to be able to get up and go somewhere when I want to. I've always been this way. Now, I can't even go to the store without his permission first. We live right across the street from his job. He walks to work everyday. We only have one vehicle. I left my car

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 12-05-2008 - 3:53pm
With this new post, I can see why things changed after you got married, because that's when in his mind he
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Fri, 12-05-2008 - 4:21pm
Sorry you feel "accused". I was trying to help, didn't know you were going to get so defensive at one word. Later, hope this one works out for you.