Dating a younger man

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2008
Dating a younger man
8
Fri, 12-05-2008 - 2:14pm
I have a serious dilemma and i really need some advice. I have fallen in love with a 25 yr old man, the problem is I'm 40. :( Am i doing something wrong? i keep thinking that when I'm 50 he will be 35, ugh! Hes in love with me too, well that's what he says. Am i delusional? We are on the same level, I'm an immature 40 yr old lol. And don't look my age. NO one believes me when i tell them my age. Any advice would be so helpful. Is this wrong????? Pls help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 12-05-2008 - 4:16pm

Welcome to the board boobaby003,


I don't think you are doing anything wrong. I don't think age has a much to do in terms of whether a relationship will make it or not as much as goals and interests do. If the two of you want the same things in life than your relationship stands a chance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2008
Fri, 12-05-2008 - 4:42pm
thank you for that, i agree, i think i worry too much about what others will think. i need to get used to the relationship, its new for me to do this. thanks again :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2008
Sun, 12-07-2008 - 9:26am

The question isn't how you will look when you're 50 and he's 35.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-09-2008 - 6:47pm

Relationships between people with age differences are normal and can be successful. However, both parties have to be aware of potential difficulties and be able to face them up front and handle them. How do you deal with families and friends. Can you be a couple and also have other couples to interact with? Are you secure enough to grow older with a younger man and not worry about his reactions and wanting a younger woman? What about children? Right now he's only 25. Is he thinking about this as a long term serious committment? Are you? Find out, get things straight. It's easy to go off into fantasies and good feelings and not realize that there are many issues to be faced up ahead. It's better to face them early on, rather than get too deeply involved and have to back off later.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 10:18am
i so feel your pain!!!! i am 39 years old and seeing
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 11:44am
How long have you been serious with him?
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 3:19pm

You are in a rough stiuation indeed. It takes a lot of strength, self esteem,trust and good communication to work through all the issues in a relationship with such a younger man. I understand your fears about the future. And, of course, there are no guarantees about how he will grow. He is very young. We all grow differently. What feels okay now, may not in the future. Perhaps the two of you should find a really excellent couple therapist, sit down and calmly try to work these issues out. However, it doesn't so much sound as though the problem is with the relationship now as with what it could be down the road. No one can see what is coming down the road, but it does create a more stable overall situation if two partners in a relationship have similar backgrounds, life experiences, desires and have gone through similar life stages. That is only a generalization, however. There are couples who have had wide age differences and done well. Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. If you do decide to go forward, however, you will really have to work on your self esteem, or it will be easy to become nervous and doubtful as you grow older.


All best,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
Fri, 01-09-2009 - 10:28am
we were friends for about 6 months before becoming serious about 3 months ago.