He has too much baggage

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2008
He has too much baggage
6
Mon, 12-08-2008 - 2:14am
I have been with my fiance for 2 years and lately I have doubts. I don't think that I can accept his baggage anymore. He owes $20,000 in back child support. His credit is shot. He has a low paying job. I make good money and have my own house, which we live in. I had to
0">Meez 3D avatar avatars games
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 12-08-2008 - 11:45am

Welcome to the board julesneddie,


I would assume since he owes $20,000 in back child support that his issues with money and keeping/having a job go back a ways. It doesn't sound like something he is likely to fix soon. I

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Mon, 12-08-2008 - 12:05pm
Can you sit down with him and have a rational talk and discuss timelines for when he expects to work things through?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 12-08-2008 - 4:27pm

Welcome to the board julesneddie,


Is credit counseling an option?


Reading material to consider: Are You the One for Me? by Barbara DeAngelis





Avatar for camilionag
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2003
Tue, 12-09-2008 - 10:43am

If he does not provide for his own flesh and blood how will he provide for a wife?? Even if I have to work for McDonald's my child would never go without.


Don't walk but RUN AWAY!

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-09-2008 - 2:22pm

Well, you say he has a job now. Is it a low paying job? Is it a job that has no future? Does he seem to have little motivation or ambition? You have to be true to yourself in terms of the kind of man you want in your life as a husband. If these qualities (of making a good salary, being responsible financially, being amitious, etc.) are very important to you then acknowledge that to yourself. Also, take a good look and see what your boyfriend is truly like and truly capable of. We can love someone a lot, but if they lack certain qualities that are very important to us, this can be a deal breaker.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
Tue, 12-09-2008 - 11:49pm

You're young (I'm judging by punctuation). You have time to fix your credit. He's older (I'm judging by debt). He's fixed in his ways. This is a bad road you're walking down and I personally would get off it.

I do have a friend who "fixed" her husband's debt issues. He willingly turned his entire paycheck over to her and lived off an allowance while she managed all the money he owed to everyone until they got it all paid off. It was a huge burden on her but, even so, it couldn't have happened without his cooperation.

You seem to manage your finances well. If he's willing to turn over his finances to you, and you're willing to take on this challenge, then you could try to make it work. If he's not going to help, you should at least protect yourself by never marrying him or co-signing his debt ever again.