He says I remind him of his ex...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2008
He says I remind him of his ex...
3
Tue, 12-09-2008 - 10:46pm

Hello Relationship Saver,


I met a guy about a month ago (we'll call him 'M') through an online dating site, and we

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Tue, 12-09-2008 - 11:33pm

'ex-wife was somewhat 'unreliable' as far as her whereabouts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Wed, 12-10-2008 - 12:23am

>>but what do I do about this? Just move on and say, "Oh well, his loss"? I haven't felt this way about anybody in years. <<

Yes, this is exactly what you do. You have no other choice. But I have to say that you've only known him for a month.....and now that you ARE getting to know him better, you're discovering that he's a nutter. You're sad because you're remembering the guy who was on his best behaviour in his first few weeks....not the reality of who he really is. Those strong feelings in the first few weeks aren't love - they are infatuation. And infatuation can stop us from seeing things clearly.

>>I also feel his assessment of me is very unfair, just because his ex and I share certain characteristics<<

I have to say though, you are taking this way too personally. He's shown himself to be full of baggage and, quite frankly, paranoid. Why worry about what a crazy guy thinks of you?

>>it was totally unfair of him to 'cut me off' without even explaining why or giving me a chance to work on our communication.<<

I do understand cutting someone off without giving the relationship a chance. There are some red flags I could see in a potential mate which would cause me to cut them off immediately. Yelling during arguments, road rage or arrogance to waitstaff for example. There is no rule that says we MUST communicate and work on relationship problems. Quite frankly, half the posters on these boards would be far better off if they just up and left instead of continuing to work on relationships which aren't suitable for them.

Anyway, as much as it hurts, him breaking up is probably best for you anyway. You don't really want to have to watch your every word or movement just to stop him from being paranoid, do you? I think it would wear thin very soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 12-10-2008 - 12:03pm

Welcome to the board reglers,


::How long after an affair and a divorce should it take a guy to be ready to move on?