Holiday advice and issues?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2008
Holiday advice and issues?
13
Wed, 12-10-2008 - 3:22pm

Hey all, I've been a lurker for a while but have a question I was hoping to get help with.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Wed, 12-10-2008 - 4:46pm
How is his financial situation? I just wonder if you want a life like this. Do you see him ever changing?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2008
Wed, 12-10-2008 - 5:26pm
His financial situation is ok (he makes under 100k but over 80k) and usually wins when he gambles (luck or skill, I don't know).
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Wed, 12-10-2008 - 7:42pm
Have you had a heart-to-heart with him. Talk to him about how you feel and try to stick with the facts and avoiding raising your voice. You may have to let him know that if things will change, you will leave. If he puts this hobby, habit or obsession before you then that is the right decision. Does the frequency coincide with anything wlse in his life? Does he have an addictive personality?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2008
Wed, 12-10-2008 - 10:35pm

I've not had a heart-to-heart but its hard to do so with him about this issue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Thu, 12-11-2008 - 11:17am
It seems to me then that you are growing and he is the one who is staying a child. Do you really want to live like this for who knows how long?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2008
Thu, 12-11-2008 - 12:13pm

Ciao_gina...that you for listening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
Thu, 12-11-2008 - 4:01pm

Bluff him. Mind you, he's a professional gambler so he'll spot a bad bluff. You're going to have to mean it. Tell him it's over but think (secretly in your heart) that it's over unless he convinces you he's going to mega-change. Understand that he probably won't mega-change and it's probably really over but allow yourself that tiny little ray of hope that'll give you the courage to do what needs to be done.

Don't say the part about mega-change out loud!!! Say, in no uncertain terms, that it's over. If he asks you why, say that he knows very well why, that you've tried to discuss it with him like a rational adult, and that it's now past the point of discussion, goodbye. Be hard. He's a pro at this. Don't cave. This isn't a two hour fix. It's going to take months to do it right. He's going to have to a) believe you left him and b) decide he doesn't want that. If you give him an out, he'll take it.




Edited 12/11/2008 4:01 pm ET by kimbernee
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 12-11-2008 - 5:29pm

Welcome to the board ivil_liz2000,


He's stopped courting you and is now courting 'gambling' - he loves it, he's good at it and so far can afford it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2008
Thu, 12-11-2008 - 6:44pm
Interesting...I'll have to think about that strategy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2008
Thu, 12-11-2008 - 6:59pm

I think you hit the nail on the head.

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