married w/ thrresomw

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2008
married w/ thrresomw
5
Sun, 12-14-2008 - 4:39pm
I have been married for 8 years, I am a female , I have cheated on my husband numerous times and as a result I has a child out of wedlock, which my husband accepted. Me and my husbands are still together. We recently has a threesome; which he has always had a fantasy of, and said this would make up for all the unfaithfulness I had done to him. He seems remorseful, and caring, unlike before. He had always been cold. The threesome happened with a good friend of mine. I am very possessive. I don't know how to react. My husband is trying so hard to comfort me, but I keep pushing him away. He has never cheated on me. He claims he didn't want to go out and cheat on me behind my back, but instead "in front of me" so its not "cheating" HELP!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 12-14-2008 - 5:02pm

Welcome to the board shannon12221979,


I've read so many times about threesomes ruining relationships. And I do NOT understand your husband's thinking. He used your cheating as an excuse to fulfill a fantasy, to punish you with

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2008
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 6:09am
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 8:34am

It's not cheating if you're there and you agree to it.

I agree with the last poster, this amount of mistrust, possessiveness, crazed emotions and jealousy is way beyond the scope of anything a group of people on a messageboard can solve. I truly believe that if your marriage is going to make it, it will be through the help of a qualified marriage counselor. It's time to get serious about solving your problems one step at a time with a professional. I wish you luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 4:34pm

Hi Shannon,


Believe me I have my own relationship issues but this is beyond what a normal relationship is meant to be!!

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 5:27pm

When couples get into the area of threesomes and cheating, etc., it can be difficult to keep that bond between them intact. Having a threesome may have been his way to even the score. Sounds like it. Of course I could see how it would also be very painful for you.


However, you did agree to this. Perhaps you wanted to even the score as well. Now that both of you have been with others, it may be a good time to sit down and take a good look at this marriage. See what you love about the other person, what you want from a relationship, what kind of committments you need and are willing to make. Perhaps you could start with a fresh slate. This would not be easy, but if you care for each other, it's a good idea to try.


It would probably be best to find a good marriage counselor to help you through this as so much has happened and there must be so many feelings both of you are dealing with. But remember, everything can be let go of and forgiven, if you both care enough about one another to make the effort and do the work.


Best wishes,