I "cheated".. need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2008
I "cheated".. need help
4
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 11:55am
I am a 29 yr old woman with 2 kids and a great guy. I have been with this guy for 2 years tho I have known him for 10. He was deployed for 16 months. About midway I started becoming a person I swore to myself I never would be. I would take showers with my cam on in the hopes that someone would watch me. I got dressed in front of a male friend who asked to watch me in the shower and to do other stuff on cam.. both of which I turned down. To say I was flirting would be an understatement. I never physically cheated on my man. I know that doesn't make it right but in my mind at the time I was using that excuse to tell myself what I was doing wasn't that bad. I have talked to a couple people about this and one of them asked if I have ever been abused or anything. My first marriage was EXTREMELY abusive in every sense of the word. I was also raped. I see both of these events in my head all the time. In talking to this girl she said that she went through the same thing I did. She said that for the longest time she didn't know what to do when she was with a guy who treated her good because she had never been in that situation. When it comes to myself I agree with her. Well, my man decided to break up with me. He then talked to this friend and she told him she thinks I have ptsd. And while that doesn't make what I did right, she believes it answers the big question of why I did it. He decided to take me back but we started from scratch. We were no longer engaged.. I would be his girlfriend. We were still living together though. I know I hurt him very badly and I can't forgive myself for that. He has started telling me he loves me again. But the things I did keep eating at him. He is constantly going into my computer and my accounts to see what else he will find. I don't blame him for not trusting me or believing me. I need help and I plan on going to a counselor but until I get insurance I can't do that. What can I do. I love this man with all my heart.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 4:53pm

Welcome to the board,


I think all you can do right now is just be patient with him. It takes time for trust to be earned back, but it does sound like he is getting there since he is saying I love you and stuff again. Is he planning on going to the counselor with you? If not, I think it would be a very good idea. Also since you have nothing to hide let him look on your computer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2008
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 4:57pm
He says he doesn't have time for a counselor but that he thinks maybe he should. I let him go on my computer. I also give him any and all passwords. It just sucks because when things seem to be going really good he will go on my computer and question everything. It almost seems like he is trying to find something when there is nothing there.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 5:00pm

Welcome to the board ilovmy15t,


I hope you get insurance soon.


Here's some reading material to consider:


Relationship Rescue, Phil McGraw
His Needs, Her Needs, by Willard Harley Jr

There are also a lot of ideas on marriagebuilders.com





Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 5:20pm

Find a counselor right away. There are many issues that need to be handled and that need professional attention. There are clinics where you can find good help as well, some are at places where students train to be therapists and are well supervised. Check the hospitals and universities. It could take a long time to get insurance and your situation cannot wait.