Was I forced to break up?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2008
Was I forced to break up?
3
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 3:15pm
I was in a relationship for a few months with a girl that seemed like my perfect match. We had almost everything in common with a few exceptions but they were minor. Things were going good and then she started to be distant. I found out that she was talking to her ex and she said it was only to get over him and realize how bad he was for her. I dealt with it and she stopped talking to him and things were good again. Then she said she needed time to do things for her because she thought she had always been making other people happy and not herself. I waited for a few weeks but it was too hard. She never wanted to hang out or even talk. On a good day I would get 4-5 text messages, a better day I would actually see her for awhile and on a great day we would spend a few hours and a night together. It was never the same though, she wasn't loving or interested in me or what I had been doing. I broke up with her because I felt neglected but I feel like there is more she isn't telling me. Like she wanted to break up but she wanted me to do it so she could be the victim. I feel like I was forced and I still think that we could work it out if she would just try with me. Any thoughts would be welcome.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 4:47pm

Welcome to the board whatsup901,


You could have waited her out and let her do it. But instead (and very smart of you) you made the right decision for you to break it up.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 5:23pm
Of course, if she would try, if she wanted to or was interested, then the two of you could communicate honestly and work things out. It takes two people, however, to want to be in a relationship - both have to care about being together and be willing to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work. There is nothing you can do now, unless she wants to jump in. Let her know you care for her, and wish things could have been different. Then it's up to her. Don't go running after her or begging. If she knows you're still interested and available, and she wants you, she'll come back on her own.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 8:16pm

'Forced to break up' is an interesting phrase. Either a relationship survives or it dies and both people have to want it for it ti survive.


Did you want her to stay with you even though she didn't want to?


She wasn't ready for a relationship and she told you that in so many words.