I messed up bad

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2008
I messed up bad
5
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 5:43pm
hi my name is tasha and i have a situation that i do not know how to deal with. I'll start from the beginning. i am 22 years old and i have been in a relationship for the past three years with a 41 year old. i love him to death and everything was good until this situation. he was married once before and they have kids together. his ex wife consistently plays on my phone and gives my number out to random people. one day i started to get text messages from an unknown number saying that i had sex with her boyfriend. i proceeded to tell this person that i had no idea who she was or who her boyfriend was, but she wouldn't stop texting me. at this point i took it to be his ex again so the next time she said that I had sex with her boyfriend i said that i did and that i was with him the other night. eventhough all of this was lies i was just being sarcastic because she would not leave me alone and i thought it was the ex. well when i woke up the next morning my boyfriend was reading the text messages. he was so upset and that was understandable. i tried to explain to him the situation that i was just being sarcastic and i didn't mean anything by it. he said that i was keeping it a secret and that it had to be true. i have been apologizing to him and offering all kinds of words to let him know that i want no one but him but he doesn't want to hear any of it. i have been pouring my heart out to him and its no working. he keeps telling me that there is a solution but he wasn't going to tell me because if he told me then it means that it didn't come from the heart. i have offered apologies, foot and back rubs, bubble baths and nothing is working. he keeps saying that there is something i can say to make it right and i just cant seem to figure out what those things are. what do you think of this situation? what do you think i should do? do you have any idea what this solution that he is talking about is? i really need an answer because i don't want to lose him. please help me
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 6:49pm

I'm a little older than you and I'm not at all into drama. I see all sorts of things I'd do in that situation. As far as his ex giving out your phone number, it seems like it might be a good idea to change it and ensure that he's not giving the new number to her. If strange people are calling in the meantime, put them on ignore and stop talking to strange unknown people who text you. Answering encourages them to continue, and helps to create odd situations like the one you're in.

I wouldn't be dating someone who didn't trust me. Rather than act like a puppy that's been kicked and comes back to lick its masters hand, why don't you stand up for yourself a bit here? If it were me, I'd be telling him that I'd done nothing wrong, that he should accept that at face value rather than allow his ex to gloat over the trouble she'd caused on purpose, and that he could call me when he was ready to act like an adult. I wouldn't ever be begging a man like you've been. That's not a way to be respected.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 9:35pm

"he keeps saying that there is something i can say to make it right and i just cant seem to figure out what those things are. "


Then you need to ask him and then change your cell phone number so this cant happen to again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 1:00am

Welcome to the board tasha222008,


He expects you to know what would make it all better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 9:38am
Maybe he's looking for an apology? A simple "Sorry I didnt tell you about the weird txt's from people I dont even know" ? Did you explain to him that his ex is giving out your number? And why would his ex have your number in the first place? I suggest you get your number changed
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2008
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 12:10pm

Although I'm close to your age (24) I wouldn't have reacted the way you did, especially if my boyfriend is older because it will only show your age to be much younger than his. An older woman would most likely ignore the texts and change her number, not do what you did. Older woman hate drama and will handle it in a safer way that won't put them in a bad situation like you're currently in. You need to be very careful with how you handle situations because all his ex is doing is trying to throw you under the bus and hopefully get her ex to see you're too young/not right for him/disloyal/etc. Although you may not be any of these things it's obvious the ex wants you out of the picture and soon. She's threatened by the younger woman in her ex-husbands life and even if she doesn't necessarily want him back she hates that you're around.

What a coincidence the next morning your boyfriend was looking at your messages. Definitely a setup courtesy of his ex-wife. I agree with the woman that said stand up for yourself because begging him is only giving him ammo to have you at his feet not by his side. Never beg for forgiveness because certain people will eat it up for as long as they can. Stand up to him and say I didn't do anything wrong, I handled the situation badly, and I'm done trying to convince you otherwise. If you don't believe me then you obviously have no trust in me and we will never make this work without trust. Done!














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3 years of bliss