Boyfriend's Mom...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2008
Boyfriend's Mom...
9
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 3:08am

First, a little background.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 3:55am

Barista, your problem isn't with his mom. Your problem is with your boyfriend and the fact that he ALLOWS her to dicate his life.

I could understand her laying down the law re sleepovers if he lived under her roof. However, as he simply rents a house from her, she should have no input into what he does. Whether you plan to have a sleepover with no sex, sedate missionary style or get the whips and handcuffs out, it's none of her business and he needs to stand up to her.

The bigger question is: what is he going to do about the sitation? If he's going to sit back and let her make the rules, you've got one big red flag waving in your face. Can you imagine marriage to a guy like this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2008
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 11:07am

I have to agree wholeheartedly with the first person to respond. It's not his mom so much as it's him. Everyone has a crazy family (well, most everyone) and it's up to the adult individual in the situation to choose what he/she will put up with. Who the hell does his mother think he is saying he can't have "girls" sleep over, it's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! You're not a girl, you're woman and he's a man, not a teenage boy. The fact that he would agree to it and then turn around and say sorry mommy says I can't have girls over at night is sad and a little pathetic. He shouldn't even have said anything to you because he should have put his foot down and said I'm a tenant who pays rent and what I do in my home is none of your business.

Just be careful because a man who submits so easily to his mom is obviously going to continue to do so down the road. Imagine if she tries to control what you do later if you're married, or agrees to help pay for the children to do this or that but turns it around so she can use that as a reason to try and control what they do as well. That's very common, unfortunately. Parents, especially mothers, will use helping their children as a way to control them.














Real love consists of only a few things: honestly, loyalty, and understanding. Within these can bring a love so powerful that nothing can break it.







3 years of bliss





3 years of bliss

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2008
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 11:29am

Of course you're both right and I'm going to have to discuss this with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 2:13pm
Barista, please bear in mind that you have heard NONE of this from his mom directly--it has all come from your boyfriend.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 6:24pm

Hmmm, well ... you said you used to be close with her ... go to dinner with her, etc ... so, why not do that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 8:25pm

'I never felt as though I had to compete with his mother for his time or attention.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 7:02am

"If he is going to sit back and let her make all the rules you've got one big red flag waving in your face. Can you imagine marriage to a guy like this?"


I completely agree with this poster. I'm in this type of situation right now. Lots of drama and stress.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 11:50am

This is a jealous, interfering, quite obnoxious mom he has. Obviously, she wants to still control him and also creates rules that she has no right to create. If he rents the house and pays for it, it's his and he can certainly do anything he wants. The real problem is him - that he buckles to her and allows her to run the show. So, there's a power struggle going on in her mind between you and her - who will be in control. Unless he can grow up, take a stand for his own maturity and masculinity and make you the number one person in his life, this relationship will be rocky, to say the least. She can make your life quite miserable, and it's not up to you, but up to him to see what's going on, break away and do what he needs to to live a life of an adult.


I don't know if he can do this? If he can't, be careful.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 2:54pm

Welcome to the board barista16365,


I agree that you are only him says these things and he could be changing her words..


Talk to your mom.