So torn, please help

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
So torn, please help
8
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 6:49am

Hello everyone,


I need some advice as I'm very confused. Me and my husband have been married for 25 years. We have 3 grown children and a 7 year old autistic son.

Avatar for tobermory
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2001
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 7:30am
Hire a lawyer immediately and get an emergency support order -- legally, he cannot just cut you off when you are caring for a disabled son. Also, is your son eligible for SSI? If so, apply immediately, or find out if he is. Divorce this loser -- he contributes nothing to your life and only makes you miserable. What reason could there be to keep him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 2:38pm

Welcome to the board jadedkate2008,


Bipolar? Hmm, I would have guessed Narcissist or Borderline Personality as I know a few of those. .


Recognizing & Dealing with Domestic Abuse


I Hate You – Don’t Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality, Jerold Kreisman, MD


Why Is It Always About You? Saving Yourself from the Narcissists in Your Life by Sandy Hotchkiss .


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Thu, 12-18-2008 - 9:31pm

Thanks, tobermory.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Thu, 12-18-2008 - 9:35pm

Thanks itwin. Yes he did admit to having a problem before and has said he'd rather be alone. This is indeed some type of mental issue. But he does know right from wrong and should not have abandoned his son.


Thanks for the references, I'd like to read them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 12-19-2008 - 12:22am
It sounds to me like you have a 46 year old manchild on your hands. He could also be going thru a midlife crisis on top of his mental issues, but since this isn't the first time he's left I 'd say it's more his mental issues causing the problems. He does seem like a very selfish man that only cares about his own happiness. You need to get a lawyer ASAP and find out what you can get in spousal and child support. Do you have any job skills to fall back on? You said you haven't worked since your son was born but what did you do before that? Is your son high functioning autistic?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Fri, 12-19-2008 - 1:02pm

Thanks peaceyma.


No I don't have any job skills, I've just worked in restaurants for min. wage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 12-19-2008 - 8:05pm
Well hopefully between your son's SSI and spousal and child support you will be able to eek out a living for yourself and your son. You may have to cut back on some luxuries but it will be worth it to be rid of Mr. Selfish. You will be suprised what you can do when your'e determined enough to rid your life of toxic people like him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Sat, 12-20-2008 - 10:33pm

Thanks, peaceyma.


I've never thought of it that way. Yes it would be worth it to be rid of Mr. Selfish. I'm a good manager of finances and could live decently. Not only is he toxic, his whole family as well. They have hurt me time and again by their actions. Me and my kids were never invited to family events and we felt like we were unwelcome.


Back last summer his sister had tried to "set him up" with another woman. I found out about it and confronted her. I told her how dare she try to do such a terrible thing. I informed her I never wanted to speak to her again. Me and my husband have been fighting about it ever since. He says he expects me to accept his family. Huh! I owe these people nothing, my sister in law disrespected ME and she couldn't care less about me and my son. I tell him this but he won't listen.