is this right for a boyfriend to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
is this right for a boyfriend to do?
8
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 9:56am

Me and my boyfriend went to his work christmas party lastnight. It took me 2 and a half hours to shower and get ready to look nice in front of all his co-workers. We ended up staying at the party for a good 3 hours which we didnt even stay til the end. My boyfriend decided to ditch me (I was looking foreward to this day for a long time) and go with his buddys to the bar. About half hour to an hour before I actually left my boy kept asking me "oh when are you leaving" .. "are you leaving now" and things like that.

I dont understand why he would ditch me to go to the bar when he knew I was looking foreward to haveing a good time there with him. Since i will be turning 19 in 4 months im not old enough to go to the bar yet so thats his excuse for not inviting me. Like it took me all that time to get ready and we where only there half hour more than it actually took me to get ready. My boyfriend didnt even kiss me or basicly touch me at all, he gave me 1 kiss on the forehead and thats it!!! And I asked him why he never touches me or kiss's me or anything when his friends are around but when where hanging out with my friends he is all over me and he said that he was in a bad mood thats why he was like that. (which I dont beleive because he does it all the time)

I really dont know how to take these actions from him or what I should do. We have been together for a year and a half and I dont want to break up with him but I cannot tollerate these actions

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 11:46am

His behavior was very dis-respectful to you, bordering on being abusive. Why would you want to be with someone who treats you in this way? It sounds as if he has mixed feelings, behaves one way one time with your friends and then another way with his. Part of him may want to be single with his buddies and not in a relationship. Whatever the reason is, you have to truly look at the relationship and decide if it's healthy and uplifting for you. You can love him all you want, but if it is destroying your self esteem and sense of worth, it's unhealthy to remain in it. You need to stand up tall and strong, create boundaries, let him know what is and what is not acceptable to you, and then stand for what you want and need. Love doesn't mean being pushed around and treated badly.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 3:04pm

Welcome to the board juggalette_goddess,


Does he 'ditch' you often to hang out with his friends?


Reading material to consider: Are You the One for Me? by Barbara DeAngelis





iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 6:21pm

Ditching you at an event is a big no-no.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Thu, 12-18-2008 - 9:38am

I would be livid if my SO took me to a party where I didn't know anyone and then ditched me. IMO that's completely unacceptable.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 12-18-2008 - 12:59pm
Not to mention uncaring and disrespectful. Sounds like he acts one way with her and her friends, then wants to play single and free when he's drinking with the buddies. He knows she spent over 2 hours getting ready to try to look good on his arm at the party and then he ditches her and keeps asking her" WHEN SHE'S LEAVING." Not to mention I'm sure it was late by that time and you would think he would have at least wanted to make sure she got home safely. He would not be my boyfriend for very long after he pulled that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Thu, 12-18-2008 - 5:16pm
I DEFINITELY would NOT go nearly as far as Dr Shoshannah to say that this is "abusive" (Are you serious Dr Shoshanna???) but it was really rude of him and honestly this is the behavior of someone who could really care less about you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Thu, 12-18-2008 - 5:32pm
No, it isn't right for a boyfriend to dith you and to not tell you that he plans on taking off with his friends. How is the relationship otherwise? Does he often disrespect you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Fri, 12-19-2008 - 1:25am

I do think he shouldn't have ditched you.

However, you say he was asking you to get going an hour and a half before you actually left home. Did your excessive beauty routine make the two of you late for his party? If so, I could see why he'd be annoyed with you.