is this right for a boyfriend to do?
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| Wed, 12-17-2008 - 9:56am |
Me and my boyfriend went to his work christmas party lastnight. It took me 2 and a half hours to shower and get ready to look nice in front of all his co-workers. We ended up staying at the party for a good 3 hours which we didnt even stay til the end. My boyfriend decided to ditch me (I was looking foreward to this day for a long time) and go with his buddys to the bar. About half hour to an hour before I actually left my boy kept asking me "oh when are you leaving" .. "are you leaving now" and things like that.
I dont understand why he would ditch me to go to the bar when he knew I was looking foreward to haveing a good time there with him. Since i will be turning 19 in 4 months im not old enough to go to the bar yet so thats his excuse for not inviting me. Like it took me all that time to get ready and we where only there half hour more than it actually took me to get ready. My boyfriend didnt even kiss me or basicly touch me at all, he gave me 1 kiss on the forehead and thats it!!! And I asked him why he never touches me or kiss's me or anything when his friends are around but when where hanging out with my friends he is all over me and he said that he was in a bad mood thats why he was like that. (which I dont beleive because he does it all the time)
I really dont know how to take these actions from him or what I should do. We have been together for a year and a half and I dont want to break up with him but I cannot tollerate these actions

His behavior was very dis-respectful to you, bordering on being abusive. Why would you want to be with someone who treats you in this way? It sounds as if he has mixed feelings, behaves one way one time with your friends and then another way with his. Part of him may want to be single with his buddies and not in a relationship. Whatever the reason is, you have to truly look at the relationship and decide if it's healthy and uplifting for you. You can love him all you want, but if it is destroying your self esteem and sense of worth, it's unhealthy to remain in it. You need to stand up tall and strong, create boundaries, let him know what is and what is not acceptable to you, and then stand for what you want and need. Love doesn't mean being pushed around and treated badly.
Best wishes,
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Welcome to the board juggalette_goddess,
Does he 'ditch' you often to hang out with his friends?
Reading material to consider: Are You the One for Me? by Barbara DeAngelis
Ditching you at an event is a big no-no.
I would be livid if my SO took me to a party where I didn't know anyone and then ditched me. IMO that's completely unacceptable.
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"Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted." ---Ralph Waldo Emerson
Lianne, proud mummy to baby Joshua, born 24/11/08
I do think he shouldn't have ditched you.
However, you say he was asking you to get going an hour and a half before you actually left home. Did your excessive beauty routine make the two of you late for his party? If so, I could see why he'd be annoyed with you.