What Would You Do? (This is LOOOOOONGGG)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2005
What Would You Do? (This is LOOOOOONGGG)
11
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 8:29pm
*MESSAGE REMOVED AT THE AUTHOR'S DISCRETION*


Edited 1/6/2009 4:57 pm ET by mr_e_steubing

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 11:46pm

The trick for you is to 1) not permit your selfesteem issues to overtake the relationship and how you relate to women 2) how to express and release the resentment before it destroys a relationship.


If you can tell a woman early on if something really hurts you then it wont create resentment. So...are you wanting to leave this relationship becasue you feel taken advantage of..or because you neglected to nip something in the bud early on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 11:56pm
So what was wrong with her wanting to spend some time with her family, especially since you were also invited and could not go? She spent her last vacation with you so what is the problem. Is she not allowed to have any fun unless it's with you. What about showing her son a good time at Disney? Sorry but I see this as selfishness on your part. Have you gotten help for your depression? I think it is causing you a lot of internal grief and you are looking at this whole relationship in terms of what she can do to make you happier. I think you should try a trial separation to see how you really feel about each other. Maybe you both need some space. Either absence will make the heart the heart grow fonder OR NOT.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2008
Thu, 12-18-2008 - 6:53am
ok i am gonna be upfront and honest about my thoughts on reading your post. From what you have said you are very selfish and self centered. I am not trying to be mean just honest. Before I became involved in my current relationship I was a single mom of 2 boys. So I guess you could say I am answering with those eyes. When you get involved with a single mother, you need to understand that until you two are married (if the relationship gets to that point) that you will always play second fiddle to her kid(s). If that includes going on family trips with the ex inlaws, then that is what she is going to do. As far as Thanksgiving... honestly you have to right or reason to be upset. You wanted her to force her son to go to your family function when you guys aren't even engaged or anything. You guys are still just dating. Would it have been nice if they would have went? yes. However as a single mother she is doing what is best for her son which is not forcing him into a situation that he may not be ready for. You need to take her son into consideration. As your relationship progresses you are going to be viewed by him as the one trying to replace his father. You will meet resistance. You said you have been diagnosed as clinically depressed. I hope you are seeing someone for that. If you are it might be a good idea to have her come with you to one or a couple of your sessions. I know how it feels to deal with depression 24/7. I was diagnosed almost 15 years ago. But please trust me when I say that you can't expect someone else to love you if you don't first love yourself. I am sorry if any of this hurt or upset you but like I said, I am just being honest.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2005
Thu, 12-18-2008 - 10:20pm
Thank you everyone for the responses. They were all good and I agreed with most of what everyone said, and appreciate the constructive advice. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2005
Fri, 12-19-2008 - 10:46am
*MESSAGE REMOVED AT AUTHOR'S DISCRETION*


Edited 1/6/2009 4:58 pm ET by mr_e_steubing
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2008
Fri, 12-19-2008 - 1:14pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 12-19-2008 - 2:23pm
Why don't you just leave her so she can find a man that wants to be totally devoted to her mentally,emotionally and physically. You obviously do not love her. She sounds like a good woman who deserves that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2005
Fri, 12-19-2008 - 4:47pm

Hi Mr E


I also suffer from depression so I know how things can get.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2006
Fri, 12-19-2008 - 4:54pm

Now this is coming from a single mothers POV but I would expect

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2005
Fri, 12-19-2008 - 5:25pm
Thanks, Goldie! You have some strong insights there. There's possibly nothing you said that I would say I could make a strong case against. I know I'm being an immature, spoiled, self-centered ***hole. But why? I guess I have some things to figure out. I know some has to do with being afraid to ask for my needs. Thanks.

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