Awkward Situation Last Night

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2008
Awkward Situation Last Night
10
Sat, 12-20-2008 - 10:27pm

My girlfriend and I have been together now for almost 4 years -- we're in a lesbian relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Sat, 12-20-2008 - 10:34pm

sadeii, please put this in perspective. Your long-term girlfriend recently found out that her close family member is going to die of a terminal illness. You should understand something of what that feels like. You should also understand that everyone processes grief differently. It takes different amounts of time, it comes out to different family members at different stages. She cannot help when it happens that she's ready to say something. Maybe it felt more comfortable for her to be in the presence of many people rather than one.

Please don't make this about you. It's not about you. Don't ruin your relationship over this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2008
Sat, 12-20-2008 - 11:37pm

eggbertshootseggs--


I needed to hear that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Sun, 12-21-2008 - 12:13am
I really hope you don't take what I said to mean "keep your mouth shut" but I'm glad you've decided to look at the bigger picture... Perhaps when the shock wears off more you can start a discussion about feeling comfortable enough to tell you these things, but you can always do so by still being supportive.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2004
Sun, 12-21-2008 - 12:32am

Hi Sadeii


I am not sure about this, but I was thinking about your situation. I wonder if your girlfriend did not want to tell you about this because

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Sun, 12-21-2008 - 1:56pm
I can understand your gf needing time to digest the info and maybe saying it outloud in front of others helped her to be able to say it...period ...because of the pain it caused.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 12-21-2008 - 4:25pm

I understand your hurt, but I also understand not being able to talk about issues.

My experience isn't with HIV, it's about disability. You see, in the early days when my son was diagnosed with autism, I couldn't talk about it either. I had to process it myself before talking with others.

Even with continuing appointments, my mother would want to know what the Dr said but I always needed to process it first. In the end, my hubby would phone my mother because I just couldn't talk yet.

According to my dear friend who works in sexual health, HIV is no longer an automatic death sentence and won't necessarily progress to AIDS. Managed well, your girl's brother could live a long life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2005
Mon, 12-22-2008 - 4:16pm

Hi S


This brings back a memory for me.


The day

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2008
Mon, 12-22-2008 - 9:37pm

First I want to thank everyone who took the time to respond to my situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 12-23-2008 - 12:13am

Hi sadeii,


I just wanted to welcome you to the board.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-23-2008 - 5:42pm

It is odd that she didn't let you know about this sooner, but it is also very shocking and troubling information, and some people go into denial and shock and it takes awhile for them to process it. The fact that she mentioned it at that dinner in the way she did was also odd and I can understand your upset about it, but I wouldn't generalize from this to everything about your relationship. This is a unique situation. Talk to her more about it. Work on other aspects of your communication. Is she able to share with you in general? Do you feel that she is cut off? If you care about each other, working on a problem is always best. It's easy enough to say good bye, but well worth the time and effort to understand more deeply what caused the upsetting event.


Best wishes,