i complain all the time

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2006
i complain all the time
16
Fri, 12-26-2008 - 8:30am

I must stop compaining before it is too late.I just find some things really annoying.

For example one month before my birthday he took me to a shop and had me try on a dress and told me that this will be his gift.All month he was telling me that the dress looked great on me and that he will buy it for me.But at my birthday he didn't give me a gift just flowers and told me that he will bring my gift another day .Then he started asking me if I would like lingerie,books etc anything but the dress.In the end he told me that he had no money to buy me that dress.I was disappointed because he has a salary and he could have bought me that dress .In that month I bought him some clothes that had the same price with the dress even though I don't work - I just saved money for him even though it was difficult.

I was disppointed..I had talked about the dress to my friends , even to my mother..
It is not about the money,nor the gift..I was disappointed because he was telling me all the time about it and in the end he didn't act like a man who keeps his word .He now seems cheap to me..

We talked about it but I didn't say that I was disappointed.He told me that it is not nice to show I want the dress and not another present and I told him that I have no problem whatever he takes me but he was telling me all month about it even though I never asked for it.

After this ,every mistake he does makes me angry and I complain all the time.
I feel that I become tiring but I can't help it.Should I hide my emotions?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2008
Fri, 12-26-2008 - 9:26am

You need to spin this differently in your head.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 12-26-2008 - 11:17am

Welcome to the board,


I don't blame you for being a little upset about not getting the dress when he said for a month he was going to get it for you.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-26-2008 - 12:31pm

Complaining won't help anything. He's trying to tease and upset you...to offer with one hand and take away with another, a mild form of torment. You see how he is behaving and so the question is what are you doing there? Is this how you want to be treated? You must build up your self esteem and feelings of worth...Stay away from people and situations that pull you down, focus on the positive, get in touch with all you have to offer and when you feel truly deservable, the right uplifting person will come along.


Give to yourself, surround yourself with nourishing friends, let people like him, just drift by.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2006
Fri, 12-26-2008 - 1:41pm

Thank you all for your answers.
I was upset because it seemed to me that at first he said about the dress just to impress me ,but in the end he thought about it and didn't want to spend so much money on me.
I know he had the money because he bought for himself a lot of things, while I didn't take anything for weeks just to save some money to buy him something with the same cost.
Plus ,he had said that along with the dress he would buy me something else as well and I bought it myself because I didn't want him to spend more money on me(and I am a student ,I bought these things with some money my dad gives me)

This isn't the first time he does something like that.
When he told me that I souldn't act like I don't want anything else but the dress, he told me that he will buy me the dress "NOW"(implying that I acted weird)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Fri, 12-26-2008 - 2:20pm
I agree with Dr Shoshanna, he seems very manipulative. People learn to stop trusting manipulative people very quickly, and remove them from their lives. I think this may be something you should do sooner rather than later.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2006
Fri, 12-26-2008 - 2:45pm
I don't think he did it on purpose.I believe that he wanted to impress me but then changed his mind.
It is a difficult subject to bring on because I am afraid he will blame me for wanting money and gifts from him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Fri, 12-26-2008 - 3:09pm

You say he's done it before though. Sounds like he wants to get your hopes up but doesn't really intend to follow through.

If you need to be with this guy then perhaps you should share with him that you're disappointed he got your hopes up. Not that he doesn't already know. I'm not sure why you're so afraid of speaking up when he was the one who jerked you around.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2006
Fri, 12-26-2008 - 3:14pm
Because even when I did it in the past and even now ,he tells me that I complain about everything and I want mr.perfect but mr.perfect doesn't exist.He also tells me that no matter what he does I always have something to complain about and I want even more..Like I am greedy..
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Fri, 12-26-2008 - 3:34pm
Do you honestly believe you're greedy, or is he just trying to get you to believe that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2006
Fri, 12-26-2008 - 4:14pm
I don't think I am greedy because I give as much as I want to be given..demanding yes,greedy no.

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