not really clear to me

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2008
not really clear to me
6
Fri, 12-26-2008 - 4:45pm

Hi all,


I'm in a relationship to a guy whose divorce in on going and so am I. His is at its peak at the moment, and has so much to sort out more serious than what I have in plate. Anyway, above all these we find time to spend weekdays and weekends together and enjoy each others' company, sometimes with friends. In those moments he always tell me how happy he is that he finally find someone he deserve to care. He told me all his plans to be done as soon as all our divorces from our spouses are final. I'm also happy that despite the fact that we are in difficult times we managed to support each other well

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Fri, 12-26-2008 - 10:11pm
Is it possible that he is not going through with the divorce?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2008
Fri, 12-26-2008 - 10:35pm

Hi sugarbaby,


Thanks for reading my post. His divorce is on going. It' s not

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Sat, 12-27-2008 - 10:39am

Welcom to the board taurean07,


Sounds like he might be a little depressed right now and as a result is pushing you away from him. I do think that at least for a short time (a week or two) that it is good to let him know that you are still there for him. You could email him every couple of days letting him know. But don't let it go on for too long and don't keep contacting him if he doesn't respond or contact you in any way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2008
Sat, 12-27-2008 - 11:12am

Thank you CL-ctara for your advice. I will do that. He called me yesterday and I told him that I want to see him if it's okay

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-27-2008 - 6:44pm

During a divorce and afterwards for awhile, feelings are whirling and there's a lot of pain, loss and confusion that's going on. This is a bad time to make new, permanent choices in your life. Usually, most people need time "off" from relationships for awhile. They need to digest what happened, experience the loss, and take time to heal. It's not a good idea to jump into something new right away, and I believe, that is what he is trying to tell you. He's telling you not to count on him to be your new "husband". He's not ready to make a choice like that. He's barely out of this and it can certainly take time to heal from a bitter divorce. Many men and women are then even afraid to get involved again. Others get involved in "transition" relationships, someone there for them until they get through the horror of what happened. Then they want to be on their own and start fresh.


All of this takes a lot of time. I wouldn't count on him right now. Don't express so many feelings to him, it may feel suffocating or as if you want a committment, which he is not in a state to give now. Right now focus on building up your own life, with friends, activities and a good support system. From what he says, he can't be counted on right now.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2008
Sun, 12-28-2008 - 4:42pm

I feel