numb..found fiance on ALT.com
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numb..found fiance on ALT.com
| Sat, 12-27-2008 - 8:46pm |
I really need opinions from the expert and men. My fiance and I have dated 3 years and they have been great except for a few glitches I will mention. 9 months into our relationship I found out he had a secret Myspace with past girlfriends and I was unhappy about this. He only deleted it after I asked him if it would be alright if I had a MS full of men I had slept with. It's so juvenile..he's 40. anyway, I thought all that was in the distant past. 6 months ago we became engaged. In the last 3 months I've noted suspicious behavior again...minimizing pages when I come up, and deleting the browser history....but he always tells me he's hurt that I don't completely trust him, so I ignored it. Anyway, just before Christmas I guess he got distracted and on the browser history was a login to his profile on ALT.com. I can't believe it. He has always told me he's so not into that kind of stuff when I quiz him. Even when I just talk a bit racy to him, he says "since when did this conversation turn into porn?" We sometimes watch movies to spice things up so I am definitely not a prude. He admits he was a playboy before he met me, and when ever I ask him if he ever has a hard time with monogomy, he adamantly denies such. I can't believe what he said on the site...

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If you want a man who is willing to be fully monogamous, this is not the right guy.
He doesn't sound mature enough to be ready for marriage. Think about that.
He needs this weird escape for some reason. Why is that?
And why would you want a man you can't trust? You don't trust him or you wouldn't go into his history.
Unfortunately, this guy wants you to think he is who he thinks you want him to be. He's not being true to you by not being honest about what he likes, who he is, what he does. He's likely attracted to your position and your money, and will do what it takes to have it...and get his wild fantasies on the side. He isn't being loyal to you. Whether he is or has acted out physically, he's spending time trolling for other women. Hiding his phone, deleting history on phones or computers, and minimizing screens are all signs he is up to something you wouldn't appreciate. He's manipulating you by trying to make your concerns seem like they offend him that you don't trust him.
Those with nothing to hide, hide nothing. Don't let this man continue to disrespect and use you. Don't lose your heart and your hard earned money to this immature man who cannot be faithful in his heart or mind. You are too bright to be played for a fool...and there are so many men who would love a chance to treat you the way you deserve. Finding the right guy is SO worth it.
Welcome to the board rj0622,
Sorry you are going through this.
You did get a response from at least one man (sdlostandfound).
And honestly I'd rather be alone than with someone I can't trust.
I also don't buy the ego excuse (hello, women have egos too!), but I think it's interesting that he's on ALT.com rather than a regular dating site. Has he ever expressed an interest in BDSM to you? Is it something you'd be willing to look into?
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"Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted." ---Ralph Waldo Emerson
Lianne, proud mummy to baby Joshua, born 24/11/08
Getting married to someone who is doing something behind your back that breaks your heart
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