Cant seem to get over it

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2008
Cant seem to get over it
5
Mon, 12-29-2008 - 6:13pm

Ive been with my bf for almost 2 years. When we started dating he was a very broken man, separated from his wife. his marriage was a disaster and since he is very sensitive, he was very broken. We started dating and got along great, it was very casual and easy, however about 7 months into the relationship i told him he needs to get his divorce done, a couple of weeks later i left town for a couple of days and he slept with someone else, a girl who was like a "friends with benefits" he was seeing about once a month prior to dating me. I had no idea she existed. Well about 2 months later I found out about this becuase she called my work and left me a voicemail. Needless to say I was hurt, angry, etc. I decided to stay with him and try to work it out becuase he seemed really remorseful and showed me all the emials he exchanged with her telling her it was a huge mistake and her threatening him to tell me if he didnt. well she told me and i was very upset. This was over a year ago, and since then we have fallen in love and he had dramatically changed, got his divorce, went to therapy to sort out all his unresolved issues from his marriage which ultimately led him to cheat on me, since he freaked out and called her when i was out of town. He told me that the second it was over, he felt like crap and regretted it and realized what a huge mistake he made and that obviously the feelings he had for me were much stronger that he allowed himself to feel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 12-30-2008 - 11:57am

Welcome to the board xmastime2008,


It is hard to say why this is bothering you so much lately. It could be that you have developed really strong feelings for him and that now you are afraid of losing him or him betraying you. I think it is hard to let go and completely trust someone when they have broken your trust before. Try to start by relaxing and believing in him and trying to let go of this. Whenever you find yourself thinking about it push it out of your mind and think about happy things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 12-30-2008 - 4:04pm

Welcome to the board xmastime2008,


Healing betrayal takes time. Are you willing to talk to him about it? Is he willing to work on it with you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2008
Tue, 12-30-2008 - 4:38pm

Yes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2008
Wed, 12-31-2008 - 5:16pm
I found it interesting that while he was damaged and cheated on you you remained with him but now that you are in love and he is healing you want to leave him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Wed, 12-31-2008 - 6:41pm
Think about this; It may be that you want out of the relationship and obsessing about this stops you from thinking about what is really bothering you.