He's selfish, but *I'm * the problem???
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| Thu, 01-01-2009 - 8:39pm |
Hello All,
Update, etc...I've now picked up another church gig, accepted some students and taken a few stagehand gigs, so the income is better. Yay! Now I make 15% of what DH does right now and he is still refusing to help. Boo... I'll see him in February when his show visits a somewhat local theatre for a week (1st time since July). Then he is gone for two weeks, but still in the same state. Then he is taking vacation for a week and expects me to just drop everything and entertain him. I can't just take vacation from these gigs. No service, no paycheck. And no help from him. He is making me feel very guilty about this. Nothing new there.
What is new is he seems to be drinking a lot. He had so much last night I was truly concerned about toxicity. He is also a very unpleasant drunk--swearing and combative. It made me very uncomfortable just talking with him over the phone. He says that is just the touring stagehand way. Maybe for R&R roadies (and not many of them either), but not high-level Broadway tours. If he is unable to perform his track, he will be replaced. I've fired people in the same situation and have no doubt that it could happen. One guy is already gone for a related reason. He says I'm just uptight and old fashioned.
He claims he is depressed and I believe him, but I can't convince him that his coping mechanisms are harmful. He just says I don't understand and he likes the way he is--dark and brooding. But he was very hurt that he wasn't invited to any parties for New Year's Eve. Hmmm...could it be he is not good company? Now he's trying to come up with ways to avenge himself on the rest of the crew.
I'm mostly just venting, but I may be missing something. I should be excited and looking forward to seeing DH, but the feeling is more dread and coping.

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What you're missing is that you're entirely focused upon the DH, and his disturbed and disturbing behavior and not looking at yourself. What are you getting out of this situation? You seem to have a clear picture of him, he needs help. You said yourself that you have fired people who behave in this way in the past. What is keeping you here?
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I dont understand - are both of you musicians?
He needs to stop selfmedicating and get on antidepressants if he is clinically depressed.
If you are not happy with him then it would make sense that you dread seeing him - is there a way to talk things out?