Help! My husband can go days without sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Help! My husband can go days without sex
13
Sat, 01-03-2009 - 4:04pm
I need serious help. My husband and I just got married in 2008 and have been living together since September when I relocated to NC because he's a Marine. I am so frustrated because he can go days without having sex. Today is 1/3 and the last time we had sex was Christmas Eve - 12/24. We have discussed this before - he offered in a discussion we had one day the he does not want me to think he does not love me just because we don't do 'it' a lot. He said that he is often just tired from his crazy schedule. But my question was what about weekends. He can spend a whole weekend playing video games - I feel like if he has time and energy for that then he should have time and energy for me. I feel like I am not a priority at all. I feel like even if he is tired his desire for me should be stronger. I have never had this problem in the past - and what frustrates me is the person that I love the most and am spending the rest of my life with has this issue. I brought it up one time again and it just lead to things being really awkward and then we just ignored it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Sat, 01-03-2009 - 5:22pm
Has he always been like this, or only since he joined the Marines? Are you always the one to initiate it or does he initiate sometimes?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Sat, 01-03-2009 - 7:08pm
Well me and him started our relationship while he was in the Marines but we've known each other since we were kids - so I am familiar with his ways. We started out having a long distance relationship - and whenever we saw each other we always had sex everyday that we were around each other - but now that I'm actually living here - that has just stopped. He can go for days without it and it just frustrates me. I think one problem is I never initiate it. But now I'm afraid to b/c of how things are.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Sat, 01-03-2009 - 7:35pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 01-04-2009 - 12:07am

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Sun, 01-04-2009 - 10:43am
I wish it were that easy - another side to this is I think he is watching porn online. I think the porn is a replacement for intimacy with me. I knew he's watched a little porn - in the past - what man hasn't...it never bothered me but now that it's interrupting our sex life I feel horrible about it. I've confronted him casually once about it and he said even if he did watch porn he would still want to have sex with me. I just notice little things about when I'm gone and when I return that leads me to believe he's watching it. I hate it and don't know what to do - I don't want it to tear our marriage apart.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 01-04-2009 - 12:43pm
This is just my guess as to what's going on. Porn is a mans easy way out of having sex when he's too tired to go thru all the foreplay involved in having real sex. Could be he was using it way before he met you as a quick release and got used to doing it the easy way. It could also be that he is either somewhat or very addicted to it. I know that it is very easy for a man to get addicted to the stuff. However it is one thing to look occasionally vs. the need to look everyday. Could be the porn is the problem and not you. Men are very unaware sometimes when it comes to a womans needs. I think you should tell him " you miss making love with him" Maybe this will start a conversation on his end.


Edited 1/4/2009 12:45 pm ET by peaceyma
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2008
Sun, 01-04-2009 - 12:46pm

Have you ever suggested watching

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 01-04-2009 - 2:58pm

If it's porn, that's a tough one, especially if he's unwilling to include you and share that with you so that the two of you can be intimate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Mon, 01-05-2009 - 9:58pm
Thank you ladies so much!! I really really appreciate your honest opinions and advice. I talked to an aunt of mine - who I trust a whole lot and she told me to first calm down - she said most men masterbate and love porn and it's just something that women have to face & learn to deal with. She does agree that it's not healty for him to shut me out - but she said my negative attitude towards him because of it will only deepen the problem. Some one asked if we have any other relationship problems - the answer is no. We have such a great relationship. We are best friends and soul mates - and like all couples we have our disagreements but it's nothing to the extent that it should negatively impact our sex life. My aunt told me to spice things up and start initiating more. She encouraged me to be the sexy person I used to be when we first started dating. When you're busy and bogged down with the chores that being a wife can bring - it gets hard to be sexy like before when you were single (I hope a lot of wives can relate to that). I used to put sooooooo much effort into enticing him and I notice that I don't try as hard. So I may be part of the blame here. So last night - I got a bottle of champagne - put on something very sexy - we watched a movie then I told him I had a surprise. I went in our bedroom - lit some candles and started just kissing his whole body - I pulled out all the stops last night and it worked! We made love again and it was great. Now I just have to keep this going. I want to stop nagging and just be how I used to be when I was just his girlfriend. So before I complain about him masterbating or watching porn possibly - I'm going to work on me and being as naughty as I can so he can live out his fantasies through me. It'll take time I'm sure but I feel like I'm off to a great start.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 01-05-2009 - 11:24pm
That's a great start!!!




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