how long should I be unhappy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2009
how long should I be unhappy
6
Sun, 01-04-2009 - 8:24am
I want to know how many women stay in unhappy marriages (not abusive or out-right wrong, just unhappy) and why and how long should I go on being unhappy before it's acceptable to divorce.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Sun, 01-04-2009 - 12:59pm
What is 'acceptable' to you? Why stay at all? I think we need to know more about your situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Sun, 01-04-2009 - 1:14pm

Why do you feel you should stay, or that you need someone else's permission to divorce? Is it that you have children and you think you should stay for them?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 01-04-2009 - 3:05pm

Welcome to the board pastcherishedteddy,


Depends on what you've been doing to improve the situation?


Reading material to consider:


Relationship Rescue, Phil McGraw
Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman


Is counseling an option?





iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2009
Sun, 01-04-2009 - 8:38pm
I guess this is to all of you who replied.
Yes, mainly I stay because of the kids.....and money. Do I think my kids would fall apart if we left? No. We go on vacations without dear Daddy, we go to movies wo him. We do most things wo him.....school functions, family gatherings, camping, etc. are all done without him. So that kinda says staying for the kids shouldn't be a reason, doesn't it? Why do I feel like I need someone's permission? I don't know. Maybe because he isn't a rotten guy, just lifeless and childish. He is like another child I have to take care of and pick up after. Have I had this discussion with him? Yes. Many times. I am very blunt about it, too. I have filed for divorce once about a year ago, but he wanted to work on it. He did, for a few months. We don't connect emotionally. I have emotions, he doesn't. He can't even imagine emotions. I see the world in colors, he sees it in black & white. He doesn't beat me, he doesn't cheat on me, he doesn't go to the bars, he's not into porn. Sounds like a real catch, doesn't it? Ya, nice guy, just absent in our life.
So I guess it boils down to money. Not that we're rich....very blue collar, but I know there's money now to go on said vacations and other recreational activities plus keep my kids in nice (not brand name) clothes. If we leave, money will be tight and I'd have to get a second job to supplement my part-time one or get a full time one. The economy doesn't exactly look good for that.
Lay it on me. I sound spoiled and whiney, don't I? I'd really like it if he could be present in our lives both physically and emotionally. But I don't think he is capable of doing either.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
Sun, 01-04-2009 - 9:39pm
I think you've stayed too long. A relationship really shouldn't be about money.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Mon, 01-05-2009 - 6:01am

< I sound spoiled and whiney, don't I? >

No. You sound like you're the only person in your marriage.

As far as the children go, think of it this way - they are learning about marriage from you and your husband. Is this the kind of marriage you want them to have? If not, and if it's irreparable, leave.


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"Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted." ---Ralph Waldo Emerson


Lianne, proud mummy to baby Joshua, born 24/11/08
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