Problem with girlfriend and weed

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2009
Problem with girlfriend and weed
8
Mon, 01-05-2009 - 3:45am
Ok so I've been dating this girl for almost 16 months now and I love her to death, I just have been thinking about the past lately. About 7 months into our relationship my girlfriend told me she had been smoking pot behind my back even though she knew i did not like it. This really hurt me because i just don't like the thought of her doing that, it just puts pictures into my mind that i don't like, like her smoking the weed out of a bowl, and how she probably acted and looked while on it. She told me she had been doing it for about two months behind my back. So we got this worked out and a few days ago i brought it up again. I told her how i still feel hurt that she did that to me and she freaked out saying how horrible she felt and all that, and i understand that. What i didn't understand was when i asked if she missed doing it and she said yes. That stuff almost tore our relationship apart and now shes saying she wishes i would let her do it, and she acts like I'm the bad guy when i just really care for her a lot and don't like her doing that stuff. While we were fighting about this she told me some stuff that she didn't tell me before, like how she used to go over to her friends and smoke it with her in the morning so she could do it without me knowing when i came to see her that afternoon. this just hurt me so much that she went to that extent to smoke weed just so i wouldn't find out. When i met her she said she didn't like weed, and now she says she misses it, i wish i could change her mind and get her back on my side on this. if anyone can help i would greatly appreciate it and if you need clarification on anything or want more detail or info just let me know and I'll fill you in, thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 01-05-2009 - 6:18am
You love this girl to death and yet she's been hellbent on sneaking around behind your back. How long will you tolerate this, are you willing to break up over her drug problem or are you willing to let it go even if she doesn't stop or get help? You can't make her want to quit. There are many other women in the world you could fall madly in love with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 01-05-2009 - 1:23pm

Welcome to the board shykli2490,


Sorry but of course she misses it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Mon, 01-05-2009 - 2:23pm
If you are incompatible in this area then you may wish to reconsider the relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2009
Mon, 01-05-2009 - 4:14pm
well she doesnt sneak around behind my back anymore, but she used to be on the same page as me with this stuff and i want her back the way she used to be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Mon, 01-05-2009 - 5:01pm
Was she TRULY on the same page as you.....or was she just saying what you wanted to hear?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2009
Mon, 01-05-2009 - 5:44pm
yeah shes on the same page as me, i know she wont do it again just cuz i can see how bad she feels about it and all that, its just i want her to not want to do it again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Mon, 01-05-2009 - 6:36pm
You asked her the wrong question. She will always miss the drug, but that doesn't mean that she will use it. That's how addictions and dependencies work: the craving dies down, and the user can choose to avoid the drug, but the wish to use still exists, because it has become hard-wired into the brain. Don't ask her if she misses it; since she's being honest with you, she has to say yes. Instead, ask her if she can fight the craving.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2009
Mon, 01-05-2009 - 8:30pm
yeah that sounds right, i guess i just have to move on and put the past behind me and just know that shes not doing it anymore because she loves me and doesnt want to hurt me anymore, its probably just a phase shes going through right now and she'll grow out of it as she gets older. i guess i just have to learn to let stuff like this go, thanks for your help