Do I expose his cheating?
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| Mon, 01-05-2009 - 9:01pm |
Hi everyone, first time here, first time ever having to deal with something like this. My heart goes out to you all.
Ok here goes...I found out that a guy I was recently involved with lied to me about breaking up with his girlfriend in order to sleep with me - multiple times. We worked together and I knew he had a gf in the past but he told me that he was in love with me and he was breaking up with her. We even worked with her brother and were all good friends, so I felt I had every reason to trust him. I never thought that he would do this period - never mind right under his girlfriend's brother's nose. He convinced me their relationship had simply run it's course.
Now I'm finding out that he completely lied to me about everything...completely. Our conversations about what he was doing that night, were all lies...everything was lies.
My dilemma is do I tell her or her brother how terrible a person he is? I feel utterly betrayed by this guy and feel a certain loyalty to her brother as a friend - we still work closely together and I see him everyday. I don't really know her however (she was obviously out of the picture as fr as I was made known). I don't know what to do here. I feel that we were all totally manipulated by this guy. I just cannot believe he would do this. I am confident that I was severely wronged in this situation and would be able to defend myself about it if either one confronted me. I just want some justice here. What he did and is still doing is just a terrible terrible thing. Do you think he did this to provoke me to tell on him because he's too much of a coward to get out of the relationship itself?
I was thinking of sending her an annonymous letter and prepare myself to confront her if she asked to...what do you guys think?

If you write her an anonymous letter be prepared for her to ignore it, I would. Why would anyone trust an anonymous source?
Do it if it would make you feel better. But be prepared for her to find out who it is (it will become obvious soon enough) and for her and her "boyfriend" to never speak to you again. If you work with one another this will really bite you in the butt. Make sure you know that the consequences on you will be a steep price for justice that she may not even want to acknowledge.
Welcome to the board heather279,
Even if she believed the letter or even if you signed it, she would either not believe it or blame you.
Thank you all for your advice. My inclination is honestly to just walk away from all of this terribleness.
The problem is that I work with her brother...he did this to me while we were all friends and her brother has no idea. I thought it was strange the brother never mentioned the break-up, but we never talked about relationship stuff at work and the guy that did this to me had left the company 6 months ago so.
I just am stuck between feeling like I owe it to him (the brother) as a friend to let him know what this guy did to me and his sister. I feel that if he had found out he would think I was a terrible person for not telling and place more blame on me than if I confront him about it.
At the same time, I feel humiliated I even allowed this to be done to me and shameful about it, even though I was the one who was being completely lied to, and that maybe he and his sister will just never understand it from my side and I'll turn up the evil one here.
Oh and I do have evidence I can show her...lots of evidence, photos and what not. Ugh, it makes me sick to my stomach even discussing this situation. I just want to be able to look back and say that I did the noble thing after getting involved in a huge mess.
Its a difficult situation, but I think you should tell. For the GFs safety if nothing else. She likely has a 'feeling' he's been cheating, but hasn't found the evidence. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat again and again. She should know for her health what he's doing behind her back. She will be angry and upset with you I'm sure. However, at the end of the day I think its better for her to know now rather than down the road.
That said, I think you may want to get tested for STDs too (if your relationship developed that far). Goodness only knows what else he was hiding!
'My dilemma is do I tell her or her brother how terrible a person he is?'
You don't think they know all ready? This isn't really her brother's business.
Thank you again all for your helpful responses and support. I have been in the process of looking for a new job even before this incident happened by the way. With the way the economy is and the time of year, I've had to put it off a little bit. But it's time for me to leave my position anyway, so that is one fortunate occurance out of all of this.
I do feel that she should know for her health. I agree with that. I think that will be the focus of what I tell her, and to spare her the nasty details. I'm sitting right here and I do not feel that my conscience is clear knowing what I do know and feeling that someone else may be at risk because of it.
Thank you all again. I am eternally grateful for your responses. iVilliage is amazing by the way. So much heartfelt support here.