Am I going overboard???

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2006
Am I going overboard???
2
Tue, 01-06-2009 - 3:43pm
My bf of three years has really been getting to me lately. We've always had our ups and downs, but recently I feel us spiraling down further than ever. I feel his actions caused this, but my pride is pushing it more. My bf is a smoker and I knew this when we met. It's always bothered me, but you know how accepting people are during the honeymoon phase. Well when he moved in with me into my first apartment the rule was smoking was only to be done outside. It stayed that way for a long time until I gave him an inch and he took about 100 yards. It was cold and I gave him permission to smoke at the doorway and he took off from there. Ever since then he's always smoked in the house. Up until a month ago when we finally had a huge blowup about it, he's started smoking outside. I still think he smokes in the house when im' not around and lies about it which he denies. Anyway, after a much heated battle he's been alright outside smoking. At first I was really hurt because I felt that he didn't care how much his smoking affected me. My grandmother died this past year from it and it hurt me so much I still can't talk about it. I gave him all my reasons for me not liking his smoking and it took about three arguements to finally get him outside. Then I thought that was that. Well it wasn't. Christmas I went home to see my family and I knew he was up to something. Sure enough, he brought over his pothead friend and they smoked in the house while I was gone. I knew this was happening and gave him chances to confess over the phone, but nothing. Just lies. When I got back I was upset and hurt and put up a wall with him. Then one night a few days later he was trying hard to send me inside while he was smoking, but I stayed and busted him carrying a roach. He knew I was mad and said it was left over from the other night.LIE!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Tue, 01-06-2009 - 4:05pm

You may like him when he's sober, but you can't just pick out the parts of a person you like or don't like. You have to accept either the whole package with it's flaws or not. You've already told him this is bothering you and asked him to stop, but he won't. There's no reason to expect anything to ever change.

If it was me, I would be really troubled by the fact that he is lying about smoking. If he will lie about this, what else will he lie about? If you don't have trust in a relationship, then what have you got?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 01-06-2009 - 11:29pm

Welcome to the board elle_elle,


Talking to him is not working.


::It's always bothered me, but you know how accepting people are during the honeymoon phase.


It's my personal opinion that this was an incompatibility that was ignored.