Relationship Roadblock

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Relationship Roadblock
8
Wed, 01-07-2009 - 11:44pm

I've been with my boyfriend for over 3 years. I love him desperately, but in the beginning of our relationship, he lied to me about something that was a big deal. His first girlfriend and he had a child very young (age 18) that they gave up for adoption. They were both in college and had extremely religious parents that would have disowned them for premarital sex – truly, I’ve met his parents and they’re unbelievably devout. He lied to me about the child at first but then came clean that same night, saying it was a horrible event in his life that even his brother didn't know about. It was obviously painful for him – he’s not a very emotional guy and in our time together I’ve only see him cry two other times – on the verge of a break-up between us and when he found out his mother had breast cancer. I’ve always had such a supportive family that it was hard for me to understand his complete denial of the pregnancy, but once I thought about it I realized I had no clue what he could have gone through. I forgave him.

Other than that, he has been a WONDERFUL partner – so caring and obviously loves to make me happy. He listens to me talk and I will catch him staring at me so lovingly all the time. We are each other's best friends. Just a few months ago though, he really wanted to buy an XBox 360 but knew I'd be upset, seeing as we're trying to save money. He went as far as to create a fake craigslist posting, pretending to be a person who was selling a broken Xbox for $50.00. He emailed the person after “finding” the listing in front of me and claiming he could fix the problem.

I did a wrong thing, and snooped in his email behind his back and discovered that he was the one who set the whole thing up and confronted him about it. Turns out he already bought the Xbox for $250.00, but after I went off on him for mentioning he wanted one, he hid his purchase and tried to think of a way to bring it to light.
We talked about that one too and he apologized profusely. Just today, he admitted to me (after much probing) that he spent some money from a student loan that he had promised me he’d save to help with Christmas presents and a broken car part. He works at a job that will be paying bonuses at the end of this month that amount to more than what he “borrowed” from his student loan money. He says that he didn’t tell me because I really didn’t need to know, but we’re in a tight money situation and that student loan money was supposed to be for emergency only.

It seems to me he has a problem telling the truth. I love him very much and he is a good man – kind, polite, very hard-working, gets along with my family wonderfully, loves our dog to death, and I can see spending the rest of my life with him very happily. Except for these problems. I have lied to him before as well – a big one is that I told him I played soccer in high school and I didn’t. I wanted him to see me as a “cool athletic” chick. Another big one I mentioned above – snooping in his email. I did that for months until he caught me, even going so far as to delete one of his emails. I know that’s really bad.

So I need a relationship evaluation. I want to make it with this guy. I see my kids in his eyes, I dream of marrying him, and he makes me happy 99 percent of the time. I can say with certainty that he feels the same for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 3:21am

Deleted - posted








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 9:01am
You must have me confused w/ someone else - I'm new to iVillage as of last night. Sorry
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 9:14am
That's a different username...?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 11:19am
Right you are, same name, different number.








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 11:42am
Not a problem. What do you think of my situation? :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 11:56am

he has a couple of problems...lack of control/impulse issues and lying.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 4:32pm

Welcome to the board prettyinpink85,


What question did you ask that he answered with 'I don't have any children'?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 7:34pm

I agree, I wonder how this came up? I would also not be open to answering that question so early, it is ultra-personal, extremely sensitive, and it does not have any bearing on the ability to have a relationship. That's like asking a girl if she's had an abortion.

This info is meant for much later in a relationship, like when marriage is imminent.

He also came clean about his "lie" very quickly.