Major Trust issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Major Trust issues
8
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 2:27pm

My bf and I have been together for 5 months now. I'm starting to feel like I can't trust him and now I'm always worrying. He feels like he has the right to take my phone and look thru my text messages, which I don't have a problem with because I don't have anything to hide, so I never react. The other day I tried looking at his phone and he flipped on me, saying "No one looks at my phone, I can't believe you." Is this a red flag??? Am I overreacting? His phone is his life, he's always doing something on it...is he hiding something?
Furthermore, one day he started asking me questions about who i message on myspace, so I gave him my password so he could look for himself, because once again, I have nothing to hide. After I expressed the same interest in who he messages on his, he didn't offer me his password. Not even after I mentioned how I thought it was weird that he didn't when I did. Again, I feel like I can't trust him.
He always goes out with his good guy friends, who are married, but still look at other women, talk about them, flirt with them, and go to strip clubs.

Am I overreacting???? What should I do?

Whenever I try to seriously bring up issues I have, he flips and gets mad at me. He always tells me that he wants me to feel comfortable telling him my problems, but whenever I do he gets mad and never undertands.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 3:05pm
Sounds like a red flag. He's controlling and hypocritical.I'd run.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 3:14pm

You have to decide what you need to feel comfortable, while also giving him space to be who he is and not feel invaded. This can be a fine balance.

Avatar for tobermory
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2001
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 3:16pm

You are not overreacting. He gets to control your life, but you have no say in his -- he runs around flirting with other women and acting like he is single? Why on earth do you want to be with someone who behaves this way. Get away from him -- and get some counseling. The fact that someone could treat you in a basically abusive fashion and you are worried that you are overreacting means that you have some issues of your own to work out before you can get into a healthy relationship.

Tobermory

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 4:16pm

Welcome to the board alyssa788,


At 5 months, you should still be in the 'honeymoon' phase of a relationship and not experiencing what you describe.


It's a HUGE RED FLAG that he feels entitled to go through your phone and pitches a fit if you try the same thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 5:34pm
Take it from someone with experience.This guy is trouble with a capital T. He is a very controlling person..Leave him, you deserve better than him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2009
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 6:31pm

I know someone who is involved with a guy who has similar traits.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 6:47pm
Yes, not only does he have major trust issues...but he feels as though you and he should live by different rules...not a good set up for an equal relationship. Dump him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 7:41pm

At five months, things should be getting steadily better, not worse. You're starting to see this guy's true colors and they are not good. A man who needs to look through your phone is not a keeper. Add that to the fact that he is allowed to do things you aren't. That is twisted.

Consider the fact that people fear in others what they themselves are capable of. I'd be very surprised if this guy was being 100% faithful to you. Do not waste another minute with him, pack up your dignity and go.