Do we spend too much time together?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2008
Do we spend too much time together?
1
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 3:04pm
I will try to make this short and to the point. My boyfriend works a lot. I don't. Neither one of us has many close friends in the area. Maybe a couple acquaintances here and there. But no one that we really consider good friends. I also have some deep rooted trust issues and sometimes feel a little insecure in the relationship... especially when he works a lot or when we're not together. With that said, most of our free time is spent together. I sleep at his house most nights unless he's not getting home from work before 11 p.m. And we spend almost every weekend together. I like spending so much time with him. But I'm wondering if it's not what's best for the relationship. We don't live together yet technically although I am at his place more than mine. (My home life is not good. I don't get along with my roommates.) I'm struggling with knowing that we probably shouldn't spend so much time together vs. wanting to spend all my free time with him. I know we should both have separate lives outside of our relationship but aside from work, neither one of us has much else going on. What do I do?? I know I could probably go out and meet new friends. I know I could be more proactive with starting the business I've always wanted to start. I know I could go to more networking events. But I don't want to. I LIKE spending all my free time with my boyfriend. And I like getting away from my roommates. How do I force myself to WANT to do things for myself and change the patterns we've fallen into? I'm just afraid that if I don't become a little more independent from my relationship I'll end up pushing my boyfriend away. He says he wants to be with me forever and he says he doesn't mind that I'm at his place so much. But a part of me thinks that he also wouldn't mind if we spent a little less time together. I think he's just afraid to say anything... and he knows neither one of us has any other outlets aside from work and each other. What do I do??? How do I make myself actually WANT to do things for myself outside of my relationship when all I really want to do is spend all my free time with my boyfriend??? And how to I bring this up to him without offending him? It's hard for me to tell him I think we should spend a little more time doing things for ourselves when I don't actually want to do what I'm suggesting. Even though I know it's probably what's for the best if I want our relationship to last. Any advise would be much appreciated. Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 9:18pm

If you feel he is hoping to spend less time with you whywould you be offended in saying something to him?


If you really like how you are living life...then leave things be. If you want to change things because YOU dont like how life is and not because of what you "ought" to be doing..then just go out and do it.