is it ok to kiss another women

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2009
is it ok to kiss another women
9
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 2:21pm

My husband and I have been married for 22 years we have 4 children, we have always had a good marriage but he has always been a drinker.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 2:46pm
No, it's not ok to kiss someone else, drunk or not. I can't speak for others but even at my drunkest, I have never really been out of control of my actions, and so I tend to take that excuse as exactly what it is..and excuse for bad behavior. If he is a heavy drinker who does legitimately find himself of being incapable of behaving when drunk, why does he drink? I think that to me, would be the biggest concern. That aside, if I were in your shoes I would request that he give up drinking completely, or at least when around other people, because he can't be trusted. I would then get into couples counseling. I would also make sure, if possible, to have nothing to do with the woman that he did this with. To me it's a form of cheating but I don't doubt that you will get some varying opinions on it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 4:09pm

No it's not okay for him to touch another woman in a way that hurts you.

He feels badly about it, well that's a start. It means he knows what he did was wrong. Hopefully he has promised never to get that drunk again.

This wound is still fresh, it has only been two weeks - I don't blame you for finding this difficult to get over. You might want to start thinking of ways he can make you feel better in the meantime so you can get past this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 5:19pm

Welcome to the board dianac2009,


It wouldn't be ok with me.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 5:22pm

Get past it. If he's been a good husband and father and you have a good marriage, be grateful for that. He was drunk at the party. It happened. He didn't have an affair with her. It was a slip. Why would you dwell on it and blow it up and make it worse than it is? Why would you want to ruin a good relationship? Look and see what it is in you that makes it so hard for you to forgive this? As I see it, forgiveness is in order and you should find out why you are unwilling to offer it.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 7:43pm

It is NEVER okay for him to kiss another woman or dance that close with another woman ...ever.


He cheated on you and since he was so drunk (I never believe that they dont "remember") that he just didnt care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 8:31pm
Not to be argumentative, but is anyone else a bit baffled by some of Dr. Shoshannah's advice lately? I'm very surprised by her response on this one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 1:17am
So am I. It did seem a bit harsh and not very compassionate. This woman is hurting. Telling her to just get over it ??????
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 1:29am

No, I'm not baffled. It seems like good advice to me.

In my words....kissing another woman is not OK. But my husband could do a lot worse than kiss someone else. I'd look to the postives in the marriage and work towards getting past it.




Edited 1/15/2009 1:33 am ET by true.blue.strine
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 1:43am
But doesn't letting your husband dance provocatively with and kiss another woman slide give him the go ahead to do it again?