Priority

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2004
Priority
8
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 12:14am

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 2.5 years. We're both 20. I feel as though I do everything for him, but he doesn't do the same. He makes me feel like I'm not important. We just had a fight. Yesterday I told him about a friend's party, and he said ok to going. Then when I brought it up today, he said he might be able to go. He's part of a team, and today he found out that he had to work on it tomorrow. I understand that it's important, but he wouldn't even leave early for me.


Then when I get mad at him, he gets frustrated. And it's a big cycle. I just don't know how to make him understand that he makes me feel like second choice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2004
In reply to: mere8
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 12:20am
Sorry, I just wanted to add something. I know if you read the fight part, it sounds stupid, but this is 2 years of built up events that even something small makes me feel awful.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
In reply to: mere8
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 1:33am
Maybe it's time to find a new BF that makes YOU his first priority. If he already told you he would go to the party with you he should compromise with you and leave early if at all possible. Unless him leaving early will somehow get him in trouble with his team obligation. You were unclear as to what this team was so it's hard to give advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2009
In reply to: mere8
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 2:00am
i'm 27 ive been in a few relationships before with guys that didn't treat me as priority. speaking from experience most of them were the younger guys. they have other things in mind, career, guy friends, or they wanna do things they wanna do. it's normal. and honestly, i wanna say one thing, i figured if a guy who is not ready to get married
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
In reply to: mere8
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 10:06am

Is the team thing work-related? If so I can see why he wouldn't just leave early for you.

Rather than continue this cycle why don't you find someone who gives you the priority you need? I realize you like this guy, but you're obviously not willing to let go of this and he's obviously not willing to compromise. Of course he gets frustrated when you get mad, he wants you to relax your expectations of him and instead of doing that you respond with anger. If he's not contributing to a relationship that makes you feel needed and wanted then it's time to wipe the slate clean.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
In reply to: mere8
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 10:36am

My advice to you is to stop doing everything for him and making him a priority. Stop calling him first. Stop making his life comfortable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2008
In reply to: mere8
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 11:43am

Wow, sounds like my ex BF..is his name Brian?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mere8
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 1:08pm

What would be so wrong with him joining you at the party after he completes his team work obligation?


There are times where we as men are unable to default on our work obligations just so that you are happy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: mere8
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 1:11pm

Welcome to the board mere8,


I totally agree with FiveDiamondWife and I hope you can take the advice she's given.