very confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
very confused
10
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 7:31pm
I need to clear my head on how to respond when my fiance calls me after he told me last night to give him back the engagement ring, that he was going out of town(to vegas) to re-evaluate our relationship, he said he was not sure but that he didn't want to breakup.
I have been seeing him for 5 years and he is an older man and in the last year had a lot of health problems, I was there for him all the way and really loved him.
I am very disappointed and hurt.
What to do????
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 7:40pm

What made him ask for the engagement ring back? Did something happen or is it just out of the blue?


I would have to know a bit more to offer a suggestion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 7:55pm
He told me that lately we have become distant and had very little sex. Also he started enumerating all the material things he had given me and told me that I have not done anything for him, I would cook for him 2 a week, and took care of him when he was sick and did it with love, he has terrible arthritis and there where days he could hardly walk.
He started going to the casino to gamble with a friend, so I guess that's what distance us.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2008
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 7:56pm
First of all I am sorry.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 8:05pm

Welcome to the board goddess_bebe007,


Why do you have to respond to anything? Give him the space he wants.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 8:07pm
Thank you for your advise. Now I have a little problem....for my bday he got me a car and I gave my car in, he told me it would be better if we put my new car in his name....the day he asked me for the ring he also asked me to bring an extra car key (and I did) what if when he comes back and ask me to forgive him (he has done this 5 time before) and I say NO, he takes my car!!!!????
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 8:14pm

::(he has done this 5 time before)


Oh boy, consider reading the book Are You the One for Me? by Barbara DeAngelis -


As for the car, do you have family that can help you buy it from him or get another car?





iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 8:28pm

He has told you that he does not appreciate what you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 8:47pm

Wow! You turned your car in and put the new car in his name. Yikes!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Sun, 01-25-2009 - 1:58pm
It has been like 10 days that he left and he hasn't stop calling and emailing (4 times a day) since he left, day one his messages where like everything was ok, then he went on mentioning all the material things he gave me and that I didn't do anything for him, as the days went by he apologized for the way he acted.....yesterday it was the first time I returned his call and we talked....he told me that I needed to put more effort in the relationship and do more things for him (he doesn't see all what I did and doesn't seem to remember that I was there for him when he was sick and complaining and in a bad mood).He also said that he was unhappy and bored because of his health and that he took the ring back just to make sure that it was safe and that I wouldn't run away with it.....that woman had screwed him in the past. I have been with him like 5 yrs and showed that I am an honest and reliable person.....
my feelings for him have definitely change, but I need to resolve the issue with the car, I have to look for a job now and NEED to have one.
any advise on how to deal with this situation? I know now that should have never trusted him.
he says he loves me.....
is he just trying to twist the situation and trying to make me feel guilty?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 01-25-2009 - 2:26pm

::then he went on mentioning all the material things he gave me and that I didn't do anything for him, as the days went by he apologized for the way he acted.....yesterday it was the first time I returned his call and we talked....he told me that I needed to put more effort in the relationship and do more things for him (he doesn't see all what I did and doesn't seem to remember that I was there for him when he was sick and complaining and in a bad mood).


From where I sit and what's I've seen on these boards - he's still blaming you, manipulating you, getting you to make him feel better, wanting you to step up to the plate.