Did I screw up?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2009
Did I screw up?
6
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 1:37pm

hello there,


i am in a really screwy place right now and I'm not sure where to go next? my husband and i have been together for 11 years..we have 2 sons. we were married 4 1/2 years ago. i knew at the time that getting married wasn't gonna solve any of our problems but i thought it might help. there has been alot of cheating..done on his part, i have remained faithful. he use to be physically abusive to me which has stopped but now instead it's verbal. he doesn't put his family first..it's always his personal gains...wether it be a new TV...or something for HIS computer. so for the past year we have been bickering back and forth, mainly because of his lack of responsibilities, he never does anything. i was like a single mom with 3 kids (him being one of them) he has never done anything for himself. i was the stay at home wife..with a job...i work late nights at the hospital 4 nights a week.


we started marriage counseling..which did not go well. he basically sat there and told me that all of his abuse in the past including physical, verbal, and cheating was partially my fault because i LET him do it? i guess i did because i stayed..but either way he said he wasn't willing to change or to compromise anything, so i said i was gonna leave.


so 2 days after Christmas all of me and my kids stuff went into storage while he cleaned house and took everything with him to his new place. (the one i helped him look for). since then we have stopped seeing the marriage counselor because i don't think it was a good fit..we have an upcoming appt with one in a few weeks.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 2:22pm
Well maybe once he is in his own place and he has to cook his own meals and wash his own clothes etc. etc., he will then realize just how much you do for him and that he has taken all you do for him for granted. You know the old saying " you often times don't realize what you have until you lose it." So I think this may be what needs to happen for him to grow up. Either he will miss you and come back as a different man who now knows what he gave up and will make the necessary changes and see beyond his own needs and happiness. Or he will remain selfish thinking only of himself and not be wiling to change. Hopefully in your case "absence will make the heart grow fonder." and he will grow up. I wish the best for you and your kids and hope you can work this out for the better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 2:48pm

"i knew at the time that getting married wasn't gonna solve any of our problems but i thought it might help. "


Since you asked...I thought I'd highlight the sentence that answers your question.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2009
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 9:18pm

thanks for the insight...hopefully he is a better man and can return to his family.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 2:29pm

Welcome to the board tracee0213,


I don't think you screwed up. I think you made the right decision for yourself and your children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 12:14am
Is there any reason at all to keep the marriage together in your eyes?
Meez 3D avatar avatars games PhotobucketPhotobucket


Photobucket

"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Fri, 01-23-2009 - 11:43pm

He's abusive.