love vs being 'in love'?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2008
love vs being 'in love'?
7
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 1:57pm
he said i love you but i dont know if i'm in love with you (and i dont know if i want a relationship with you)
what does that mean?
how can you love someone and not be in love with them? whats the difference?
do you have to be 'in' love to be with someone?
im so confused
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 2:45pm

Yes, you can love a person (male or female) and not be in love with them.


If someone told you that he loves you but is not inlove with you and doesnt want a relationship with you it means that he thinks you are probably a great person and maycare about you...but not in the way a man should love a woman to be in a romantic relatioship with her or marry her.


You want a man to be in love with you AND love you - that's the best combo.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 4:22pm

Sugarbaby summed it up well. And I'll add my 2c

Loving someone means that you care about them. You don't want to see them hurt. But you CAN live without them. It's the kind of love you feel for a close friend. It's the way I felt about my ex-husband by the time I left. I did care about him, but I no longer felt any ties to him.

On the other hand, after 16 years together, I'm still 'in love' with my 2nd husband. I can't begin to imagine not being with him. I still look forward to him coming through the door every night. I still look at him with love in my eyes and I still perve on him when he's naked.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 4:37pm

This is my opinion of what it means.



I have heard so many people on the message boards say I love my spouse ... I am just not "in love with them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 6:05pm
Fivediamondwife;
.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 6:36pm

Unfortunately that statement I love you, but am not in love with you, is one guys often use to get out of being in a relationship without hurting the woman. It means he cares about you as a "friend". This is another way of saying that the romantic feelings are not really there.


Don't let this confuse you. He said quite clearly he didn't know if he wanted to be in a relationship with you. Keep your sense of self worth and realize that it is his loss and there are many of other men out there who would be thrilled. Say good by and move on to someone who really wants you. This would be a healthy choice.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 7:04pm

I hope I don't sound too crass with this analogy but here goes.

I have a dog... I love my dog. I'm just not in love with my dog.

Does it make more sense now? There's a great deal of care but nothing romantic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 8:38pm

Here are your previous posts for others to catch up on your situation:


its over...again


communication


I'm not sure you are