Aging: Pros and Cons

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Aging: Pros and Cons
45
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 2:44am

There's such a big thing about being young, staying young and doing everything to stay young. From what I can see, we're a group of women of diverse age here, so this is a great place to



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 8:59am

cl-libelulle...

First...CONGRATULATIONS on the new board! PG is sure it'll become very popular?

Pianoguy (who is a male) would like to respond to your comment about 'mature' men dating younger women. And like all his comments they're open to argument.

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"Seasoned males" often seek out younger women---not because their faces or bodies appear to be more attractive....but because their attitude(s) are often less negative and more enthyusiastic. This behavior appeals to men who have tried to 'put their best foot forward' in a previous marriage or relationship...and for one reason or another...FAILED!

I'm not suggesting that all 'senior man/younger woman' relationships will be successful, but we're more likely to try again with a person who isn't as likely to pick our attitudes, behavior and lifestyle apart.

Now whether the same scenerio would work in the opposite direction (mature woman/younger man)...that's a question I CAN'T ANSWER!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 11:04am

"Growing old" has a hard meaning to me. My grandparents are "getting old" to me. They're beginning to slow down, not do things like I remember them to do, but they're not "getting old" very quickly. This late 70's couple is planning a million and one things to do within the next year. Growing old to me, means getting respect.

Pros and cons of youth are tough. With youth comes the excuse of youth, with youth comes the dismissal of youth. With age comes respect, with age comes wrinkles (that was supposed to make you laugh). I haven't decided about growing old yet. I know that I feel older, look older, and act older than I am. Which was cool when I was 16, but now that I'm 21, and a customer took me to be 36, it's a bitter pill to swallow. I want to be regal and respected as I grow older, but I don't want to miss out on being young either. I think I look forward to it.

Younger, no. Slimmer, yes. But for me, it's based on health, not beauty. If I were slimmer, I'd be healthier, then I'd be happier. The added bonuses come with what I look like.

If I weren't married, yes, I'd date an older man going through his midlife crisis. And if I weren't married, and older, yes I'd date younger men. Why let men have all the fun?

Sarah

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 5:35pm

Hi Pianoguy, very nice to meet you.

Judy

cl-ivhjude

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 6:00pm
''I'll start with the first question: when I write "growing old" what do you think? What are the pros and cons of youth, and of being older? Does growing older scare you or do you look forward to it?

Do you think that being younger and slimmer is a recipe for happiness?''


Great question Poppy and lots of thinking to do on this one.

Judy

cl-ivhjude

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 06-09-2006 - 11:31am

Hello PianoGuy, thank you so much for the congratulations!


First of all I have to give you this link. It's about the word seasoned, and kind of explains why I personally don't like it. But it's a personal thing! (If you see this at a date other than today's/June 9, click on the check the archive for the 9th http://www.uclick.com/client/wpc/ss/) I think I'm going to start a thread asking everyone how they'd like to be called or described once they hit a certain age. And what that certain age is!


Thanks so much for your perspective on the seasoned men dating younger woman. I have to confess that I said ouch. It hit a spot, and I have been guilty as charged. I will keep this in mind the next time I date, if ever that situation should arise one day. Soon, I hope (well, I think I hope it's soon lol).


My father married a much younger woman. He was 40 when he married my mother, and it's a marriage that has been successful and very happy overall. Like all marriages and relationships, they have had their ups and downs, but more importantly, they have found through trial and error something that works for them.


As a woman who has been in relationships with



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 06-09-2006 - 12:22pm

Hi Sarah,


What do you mean that growing old has a hard meaning for you? That's it's emotionally difficult for you to see your grandparents get older? I think a lot of people who are in your grandparents' range of age are a whole lot more active these days. For one, they are still healthy and still independent. Those in their 60s, 70s, and even 80s are a lot healthier, stronger and more independent than those who were in the same age groups a decade or two ago. Many have the attitude that since they can still do many things and are still interested in doing many things, then they will continue doing so. Which I think is g-r-e-a-t!


I'll tell you about the wrinkles when I get them. Know on wood, I'm twice your age but no serious wrinkles yet. Phew! ROFL.


Sarah, enjoy life, enjoy each day, have fun, go after your dreams. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't or won't be able achieve your goals. Laugh a lot. Be responsible with your work, and go about it with a smile. Be good at what you do.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 06-09-2006 - 1:06pm

That was well written, Judy!


I hadn't given much thought about growing old until these past few years. In my mid thirties, there was the terrible alarm bell that that biological clock kept sounding, and it was the first time I really started thinking about age, growing older and its impact. Going back to school a few years later, and being in the same class as young adults half my age was another time. It seemed that for those two years everyone I knew except for a handful of people were younger than me. I felt deeply blessed to be able to have these friends and acquaintances in my life, but also very happy that I was 20 or 28 or 32 again. Ok, perhaps 32 would have been nice, but it really wouldn't have made a huge difference.


I realize that the fact that because at that time I didn't look my age at all, it was a lot easier. Age wasn't something that people thought of when they first saw me, and it wasn't something that mattered a lot in our friendships. Growing older is something that for me is enjoyable.


What I don't like about being older is seeing my parents grow older. It's difficult for me to see them slow down, not being as fit or as mobile as they were only a few years ago. When I came back from Italy after living there for nearly three years was how frail my father had become. For as long as I could remember, my father was a young seasoned man. Suddenly, he was an 84 year old. He looks a lot younger, but his body is that of an 84 year old. He's still relatively fit and healthy, he still works. About 5 years ago he was still climbing down mountains to



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Fri, 06-09-2006 - 1:07pm

I wasn't going to answer these questions because they have been on my mind a lot already. I changed my mind... I figured answering them may be therapeutic.


I'll start with the first question: when I write "growing old" what do you think? What are the pros and cons of youth, and of being older? Does growing older scare you or do you look forward to it?


*"Growing old" has several meanings to me. Not only changes in appearance, but in health and attitude as well. Personally the pros of my youth were that I was much healthier in my teens and early twenties. The pros of aging are that I know a heck of a lot more now, and think before I talk or act.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 06-09-2006 - 1:23pm

Do you think that the nitpicking that PianoGuy describes tends to happen more when the couple is of similar age than if one is older the other younger (say, an age difference of at least 8 years)?


I've found that when I'd been nitpicked upon, it was by those who were more or less my age. They wanted me to act my age, at whatever age that happened to be, which is a concept that I didn't quite understand. What did they mean exactly by acting my age? Most of the time, when queried, it seemed that they wanted me to act more like them and less like me. Or more like what they thought their partner should be like. In my case, it really didn't have to do with the length of the relationship but with their expectations.


When I nitpicked... hmm... yes, I tended to nitpick those my age. More out of impatience in two of the relationships I was in, though there was also an element of hope and insecurity in that.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 06-09-2006 - 1:46pm

Hi Michelle, and welcome to our community!


So what are the things not to do to stay feeling younger?


I am glad that you are happier and thus healthier. That is really very good! May all your health problems go away one by one, Michelle.


It's nice to see you here, Michelle. I hope you'll stay :-)



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